NEWLYWEDS; Stop hating the game. Hate the player instead – aka You.

Lately, it has come to my attention that, apart from the alarming rise of the divorce rate, newlyweds are spreading hatred towards the institution of marriage.

Rather than admitting their failure in comprehending the difference between the notion of a wedding and that of a marriage, they are complaining about their marital ‘bliss’ and advising their friends not to venture in these ‘damned’ waters.

When I hear the demise of X & Y, less than a year into marriage, I no longer feel sadness nor try to become that shoulder to cry on. No I am not a bad friend, I am a patient friend who has become sick and tired of grown ups messing up their future and saddling their way into marriage less than a year from dating their ‘soul mate’.

Do you know what marriage is? Clearly not, since you are fantasizing about your separation and freedom less than six months into playing house with your wife/husband.

Marriage is sacred especially when you have taken oath in the House of God to be united with that woman/man standing next to you, through sickness and health, till death do you apart.

Clearly I have not jumped into that bandwagon because so far I never felt I would stick to that statement forever with the men I dated. And yes I got a few proposals that led to the end the relationship because I did not want to stand where you are right now, sad, tearful and trying to make my best friend feel sorry about my rushed decision (add to that the cause of my detachment from my friends altogether a month after our honeymoon).

Stop with the bullshit and assume your responsibilities. Admit that you rushed heads on into marrying X because at age 30+ you panicked you would end up an old spinster.

My God, already thinking of your demise at an early age, an old spinster. Let me LOL.

The worse for us friends, best friends, is that we see you rushing into this union yet can’t bring ourselves to give our honest opinion because we are already being labeled as the jealous friend. Hence we shut up, have an amazing time at your wedding party and pray that it all works out in the future.

Who am I kidding! We know sooner than later we are going to be hearing all about his/her dirty laundry (yes sometimes literally).

You know what kills me?

Most of you have seen this scenario happen to your friends & acquaintances, vowed not to be that stupid yet turned out to be the biggest fool of them all.

You know what I want to do aside from punching you right in the face when you come all beaten up and resigned about life?

I want to tell you the following;

You are a grown up woman, assume your responsibilities and let us be.

Stop bickering, stop turning something beautiful and blessed as a marriage into a hellhole you want to crawl out from.

You dug your own grave, sleep in it.

He turned up to be another person? No shit!! How can you even think that you have known him fully, merely a year from meeting him. Most of the time, parents have trouble recognizing their children well into their adulthood.

I don’t love him? I am not surprised! Girl friend, here’s a newsflash; you never were. You were infatuated with the whole tying the knot concept.

Blame your sudden mood change on your unhappy marriage? No, no and no. I am not going to accept such lame excuses. You are 30, differentiate and decide on a pattern of behavior once and for all and assume your responsibilities. You’re a woman now!

Coercing me into hating your ‘other half’? I don’t know him/her really well so I cannot take your word against him/her (especially after this fiasco).There are two sides of a story, let me hear his/hers and then decide. No wait, on second thought, I don’t want to become your marriage counselor. Sod off.

You want me to blame society now, don’t ya?

Nah! I am not going to blame society, because contrary to general opinion, no one slapped you on your hands and coerced you into saying I do in front of 250+ guests. Nope. Last time I checked, you were mature and vaccine, so was he/she.

Why am I writing about this topic now? Because I have had it with married friends busting my balls with their failed marriage. I am fed up with people who misunderstood the whole concept of marriage, trying to convince me of not taking the next step (just because their marriage went down the drain a couple of months after their wedding).

But most importantly I am fed up from those people victimizing themselves and making us feel sorry about them.

Fucking Grow Up already.

Trolls.

Off. You. Go.

Ps: do I even have to write about those who rushed into having baby #1 ?

No no and no…. a baby is not an object to make your marriage better. Do you know how many times I have heard about “I am into this for my son/daughter”, “I don’t care anymore, I have my baby now”. A baby should come into a caring and united family. A healthy family. A baby is Not the glue to stick the broken glasses back together. It never did. It only will make things uglier. Especially in the future.

I’m going to stop here. I have nothing to add.

Marriage is something I am looking forward to but not hastily and for the wrong reasons.

Hope you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday with your family and a good week to you all

xo

 

12 reasons why I still haven’t tied the knot!

images-1

 

Usually this is how it all starts;

  • how old are you? (no way!!! you don’t look like a 30+)
  • are you seeing someone?
  • why?? a pretty girl like you….
  • i know this guy, he is a banker, lives in Dubai………..

and the list goes on and on and on. No I am not interested in a Lebanese expat, living the Hollywoodesque life in Dubai yet looking for a bride to settle down and take care of him. Thank you, I know I am beautiful and in lack of nothing (7amdellah!) and I might be dating (which is none of your business) yet haven’t reached the point to be serious with him so as to jump on the bridal gown and hysterically walk down the aisle.

Marriage is over rated, especially in Lebanon. Many of my girlfriends have tied the knot but I can assure you none of them are genuinely happy. My Boy friends? Well they have tied the knot, however after a few years (especially after baby one popped) started acting and parading like reborn singles. Single? officially not! In disguise, yes!

I was inspired in writing this piece, not because I don’t want to get married. No, no, I am going to tie the knot. I am writing this piece after I have received for the third time a Facebook message from an old friend, married with a baby girl, asking about my wellbeing. You see this friend married 5 years ago and like any Lebanese- married boy (no men here), scared that his wife would get jealous from his FB girl friends (while they claim they are respecting their women’s feelings) deleted me, among many, from his friends list. Two years later he sent me a message asking about my whereabouts and everything bullshit related. Fast forward +2 years he sent me a message declaring his crush and the fact that his feelings are in no way related to the fact that he is married. That was when I cut the conversation. Flash Flash forward to the weekend and I get a “hi”. Delete, block!

In short, the following are the ten reasons why I still haven’t tied the knot;

  1. I don’t believe there is a clock ticking somewhere for the institution of marriage regardless the emotional blackmail parents (add the grandparents) chant about seeing your new born in their arms.
  2. Because I don’t believe that anyone can jump the marriage bandwagon only after 6 months of dating; what do you really know about your “other half” within a few months. I call that the honey moon phase, what do you?
  3. I have always played around in my head the “living together” situation. Well we are in the Middle East I know, but we are surely adopting every single Western lifestyle in our culture, what’s with adding this concept to the list?
  4. Divorce is rising by the hour and cheating by the minute.
  5. I do not believe that any written document, whether blessed by God or not, is going to acknowledge my never ending love and blissful happy forever with the man I will spend the rest of my life with.
  6. Some men and women change once they have tied the knot. Real persona comes out, and I am not ready into jumping heads on into an unknown path before being 100% sure of my man.
  7. Because I will not live with someone without mastering and accepting his imperfections fully.
  8. Because I am strong and happy by myself for the time being
  9. Because I am still worried of the whole marriage concept than the wedding date, dress and table seatings.
  10. Because I believe that a couple should have some space when together (taking into consideration here that Middle eastern men are jealous by nature, and the women, mistrustful).
  11. Because I believe in Love and I am not settling down for anyone’s comfort and social acceptance.
  12. And because when I will tie the knot, trust me, its going to be as discreetly as ever. You will all get notified through social media, Instagram anyone?

And this is where I shall leave you pondering on the pros and cons of the Lebanese over rated notion of “marriage”.

images

xo

“I do” ; The Lebanese Way.

Disclaimer: The following post is not directed to the many billionaires of Beirut. Feel safe and spend your money away. To the other segment of the population, the following is for you.

Unknown-1

Summer is officially starting in less than a month yet the country dived in its spirit heads on a couple of weeks ago.

Rooftops and beaches officially opened.

The weather has gotten a few (many) notches up.

(I AM SUFFOCATING…)

To mens’ delight, women started showing skin and parading in summer dresses.

And most importantly, the long awaited and year-long prepared Lebanese wedding season launched itself a week or so ago.

Many of you are surely attending a couple of weddings this summer (as every summer) and have prepared yourself psychologically as well as financially to the sacred one in a life time (hopefully) event of the year of your friend.

A few years back I wrote a post on the “Fairytale” Lebanese Wedding. However as the years passed by I noticed that there has been a change in the aesthetics of the Lebanese- made weddings.

Before I start, please let’s shed light on the meaning of a wedding ceremony:

A wedding is the ceremony in which two people are united in marriage or a similar institution. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, religions, countries, and social classes. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of wedding vows by the couple, presentation of a gift (offering, ring(s), symbolic item, flowers, money), and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or leader. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony is sometimes followed by a wedding reception. Music, poetry, prayers or readings from religious texts or literature are also commonly incorporated into the ceremony. (Wikipedia)

This definition, as any other definition or statement is embellished on the Lebanese scene.

I have noticed that in the Middle East, a wedding takes disproportionate forms and sometimes gets out of hand whether its the guest lists, the venue or/and the selection of entertainment & food. In Lebanon, particularly, weddings are no longer considered a sacred union blessing a couple to no longer live in sin but under the welcoming hospice of God. Weddings are a new form of entertainment outing, a crossroad between Broadway and a Circus show. It seems that couples think that the more you decorate the tables and ceilings, the more the years of marital bliss is secured.  If this statement were true, the divorce rate would not have escalated alarmingly these past couple of years. Tough luck to this niche and its financial stability.

However, lets not deviate from the subject in question.

The last couple of years a new trend emerged. Lebanon is no longer considered a cool location for weddings. I understand that civil marriage is taboo and more people are flying away to tie the knot in neighboring countries, among them Cyprus & Turkey. However, more and more couples are flying their families and friends to remote islands and cities for their dream weddings. Whether its in Italy or France, competition is at its fierce as to which couple would boot the previous ‘most talked about’ venue of the season. So now guests are not only taking into account the ‘Liste de Mariage’ but the plane ticket, accommodation and many garments to wear (because you can’t be seen wearing the same outfit two days in a row, God forbid). Some invitees, more generous, at least secure the accommodation of air fare. But most do not. Dig in your saving accounts.

Further more, I have mentioned it before and I will mention it now; marriage is developing into a business. Smart couples would know how to plan it whether the rest would entangle themselves in debt. I am not talking about the ridiculous Wedding Loans many institutions are offering future brides & grooms (as lame and tempting as it seem). I am talking about the wedding planning institutions and some of the ridiculous services they offer. While I was attending a few years back a wedding themed venue that brings under one roof all the services available for the perfect wedding, one man approached my friend and explained of a one of a kind service his company has launched. The online wedding album (say what?). For a fee, they would prepare your wedding album and posted online for the world to see. The point of it? I don’t know yet some people would go for this novelty. More and more wedding planners are offering their services. Competition is fierce especially that these days the economical situation in the country is leading to future spouses to re-consider their budget. In the end, some would prefer to be caught dead than downsize their fairy tale wedding.

Ten years ago I dreamt of my fairy tale wedding. I wanted it to be in the poshest venue with a guest list exceeding three digits. I wanted it to be the most talked event of the year. Flash Forward five years ago, I realized that a wedding is a day whether a marriage is a lifetime. Details do no longer interest me. My dream wedding would be in Cyprus at the beach. I opt for civil marriage for personal reasons. My clique; my closest friends and family. My honeymoon spent with my friends having fun.

I would rather invest my time and energy in building my happiness and that of my future husband than taking into consideration society and its never ending gossip and nag.

Consider the following;

The more the flowers, the merrier the couple?

The bigger the venue, the more successful the wedding?

The more invitations sent left and right, the more liked the married couple?

The more mini- bridesmaids, the higher chance of fertility?

The more remote and exotic the location, the more chances of locked love for ever?

The more money spent, the more God will bless the couple a return on investment the following years?

I do not think so.

Next time you are at a wedding, look around you and tell me; the above mentioned points were they exaggerated or not? And if you just flew on a plane to attend your friend’s wedding, then just scratch the mentioned statement.

Enjoy the festivities and drink the night away…

xo

 

 

 

Marriage Lock?

 

To all the ungrateful bastards out there after ten years of marriage or so…

 

“Dont be critic to your wife’s taste, she is the one who selected you in the first place”

 

Thank you very much, you can now proceed with your day!

The Lebanese Fairytale Wedding! (Say what???)

wedding is the ceremony in which two people are united in marriage or a similar institution. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, religions, countries, and social classes. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of wedding vows by the couple, presentation of a gift (offering, ring(s), symbolic item, flowers, money), and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or leader. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony is sometimes followed by a wedding reception. Music, poetry, prayers or readings from religious texts or literature are also commonly incorporated into the ceremony.

I live in a city (a country, a whole region) where marriage has degraded over the years from being a sacred commitment between two people to a ridiculous circus -show held to entertain the people attending this joyful union.

But, let me first of all introduce to you to the mentality still very much alive within this society.

We live in a society that till this moment (at the dawn of the next century) look upon girls who are still single at the wake of their early thirties. If you tell me we cant blame those people for thinking that way (that way being a middle-eastern cliche) well then I would tell in a high pitched voice that there has been not only scientific evolution and technological boom but as well a mentality awakening that you (retard) should be aware of since globalization is at everyone’s reach. These people think that if a girl is not married at a certain age then she is done, doomed, an old maid, a hag to her parents.. what the f&@^? (and bear in mind am talking about the 25-33 age group). These people do not take into consideration womens’ fulfillment in life, their own growth whether mental or/professional. I know a lot of women who hold their personal life for that of a successful career, and I do not blame them (hearing their complicated and twisted love life stories……a dread!!!). And do not forget that this country does not facilitate union because of high inflation and high household expenses and low wages…..

I am not gonna continue on babbling over this topic and cut straight to the point!

Wedding ceremonies are over-rated in Lebanon and this I am sure all of you readers will affirm to me.

What better proof than the many wedding planners popping ever year and killing us with their advertisements in magazines, especially when summer is around the corner.

Every year, BIEL entertains a venue especially for the future brides to be and last year I attended it with my friend who got married a couple of month ago. I never over came the shock of all those women and their mommies (yes mommy-dear and future mommy-inlaw are experts in the field, hence they should monitor every move of the hysterical bride to be and let us not forget the budget,uhummm) and the amount of wedding planners present in Lebanon(not to forget that the posh,i-e expensive ones, do not attend such gathering, pardon!!). Anything you ever imagined related to a wedding was present in this venue.

I was shocked by the ridiculousness some of the services businesses were offering, take for instance (and its hilarious) a service was that the couple would register an online wedding album of their wedding. I mean what the hell??? Why would any sane person upload such an intimate ceremony for people to view all over the world? Typical of lebanese show-off i am guessing….hopeless love i say!

On the topic of wedding planner, I have a friend who works in that field and the services the company offers are very restrictive and high-classed, for a niche category of people, so anyone with a budget less than USD 300,000 are not welcomed!!!!! Yes that is the minimum cost this company charges..Now I have checked pictures of weddings they have planned and honestly, to my taste, they are overly-exaggerated and distasteful! I am sorry but that is my opinion.. I am sure a lot of people would think otherwise 🙂

Isn’t a wedding one day? Shouldn’t the married couple rather invest financially on the future shared years to come than a gathering that will not only make people skeptical but gossipy?

Well again, that is my opinion… just saying you lovebirds…think….

The more the flowers, the merrier the couple?

The bigger the venue, the more successful the wedding?

The more invitations sent left and right, the more liked the married couple?

The more mini- bridesmaids, the higher chance of fertility???

Everything more is less elegant and more loud.

I have always wondered what happens to the flowers decorating the church and the diner tables and entrance to the venue. At waste you tell me??

I do not see the point of booking a huge venue only if it is to prove to friends, relatives and strangers who will look at the wedding photos in mundane magazines the approximative amount that has been spent on this ceremony.

People tend to invite anyone and everyone who has taken part in the bride and groom’s lives, even if the person himself has not been in touch for a few years now. I wonder if it is not to fill their pockets through the wedding lists…

Yes it is cute to have kids parading as your bridesmaids, yes it is a sight to see but a dozen is a bit too much especially that they have no clue what is going on and behave like they wanna be anywhere but not next the bride!

You think I am sarcastic? Well that is the point…

You think I am against the institution of marriage? No I am not..Like any other sane woman I do want to get married and I know that when the right person comes it would eventually happen. However what I am against is the whole idea of wedding ceremony. Fine you tell me that we are all obliged to go through that step to start our matrimonial life. However why not make it low-key, simple,elegant and ideal? Isn’t it being surrounded by your family and close friends the point of having a wedding and sharing with your cherished ones your special day? people who will genuinely feel and relate to your happiness?

Well that is what, in my opinion, the true definition of wedding (like mentioned at the beginning of this post) and I wish that someday my lebanese compatriot will come to embrace!

And now I pronounce you husband and wife!

You may kiss moi!! haha!!!