NEWLYWEDS; Stop hating the game. Hate the player instead – aka You.

Lately, it has come to my attention that, apart from the alarming rise of the divorce rate, newlyweds are spreading hatred towards the institution of marriage.

Rather than admitting their failure in comprehending the difference between the notion of a wedding and that of a marriage, they are complaining about their marital ‘bliss’ and advising their friends not to venture in these ‘damned’ waters.

When I hear the demise of X & Y, less than a year into marriage, I no longer feel sadness nor try to become that shoulder to cry on. No I am not a bad friend, I am a patient friend who has become sick and tired of grown ups messing up their future and saddling their way into marriage less than a year from dating their ‘soul mate’.

Do you know what marriage is? Clearly not, since you are fantasizing about your separation and freedom less than six months into playing house with your wife/husband.

Marriage is sacred especially when you have taken oath in the House of God to be united with that woman/man standing next to you, through sickness and health, till death do you apart.

Clearly I have not jumped into that bandwagon because so far I never felt I would stick to that statement forever with the men I dated. And yes I got a few proposals that led to the end the relationship because I did not want to stand where you are right now, sad, tearful and trying to make my best friend feel sorry about my rushed decision (add to that the cause of my detachment from my friends altogether a month after our honeymoon).

Stop with the bullshit and assume your responsibilities. Admit that you rushed heads on into marrying X because at age 30+ you panicked you would end up an old spinster.

My God, already thinking of your demise at an early age, an old spinster. Let me LOL.

The worse for us friends, best friends, is that we see you rushing into this union yet can’t bring ourselves to give our honest opinion because we are already being labeled as the jealous friend. Hence we shut up, have an amazing time at your wedding party and pray that it all works out in the future.

Who am I kidding! We know sooner than later we are going to be hearing all about his/her dirty laundry (yes sometimes literally).

You know what kills me?

Most of you have seen this scenario happen to your friends & acquaintances, vowed not to be that stupid yet turned out to be the biggest fool of them all.

You know what I want to do aside from punching you right in the face when you come all beaten up and resigned about life?

I want to tell you the following;

You are a grown up woman, assume your responsibilities and let us be.

Stop bickering, stop turning something beautiful and blessed as a marriage into a hellhole you want to crawl out from.

You dug your own grave, sleep in it.

He turned up to be another person? No shit!! How can you even think that you have known him fully, merely a year from meeting him. Most of the time, parents have trouble recognizing their children well into their adulthood.

I don’t love him? I am not surprised! Girl friend, here’s a newsflash; you never were. You were infatuated with the whole tying the knot concept.

Blame your sudden mood change on your unhappy marriage? No, no and no. I am not going to accept such lame excuses. You are 30, differentiate and decide on a pattern of behavior once and for all and assume your responsibilities. You’re a woman now!

Coercing me into hating your ‘other half’? I don’t know him/her really well so I cannot take your word against him/her (especially after this fiasco).There are two sides of a story, let me hear his/hers and then decide. No wait, on second thought, I don’t want to become your marriage counselor. Sod off.

You want me to blame society now, don’t ya?

Nah! I am not going to blame society, because contrary to general opinion, no one slapped you on your hands and coerced you into saying I do in front of 250+ guests. Nope. Last time I checked, you were mature and vaccine, so was he/she.

Why am I writing about this topic now? Because I have had it with married friends busting my balls with their failed marriage. I am fed up with people who misunderstood the whole concept of marriage, trying to convince me of not taking the next step (just because their marriage went down the drain a couple of months after their wedding).

But most importantly I am fed up from those people victimizing themselves and making us feel sorry about them.

Fucking Grow Up already.

Trolls.

Off. You. Go.

Ps: do I even have to write about those who rushed into having baby #1 ?

No no and no…. a baby is not an object to make your marriage better. Do you know how many times I have heard about “I am into this for my son/daughter”, “I don’t care anymore, I have my baby now”. A baby should come into a caring and united family. A healthy family. A baby is Not the glue to stick the broken glasses back together. It never did. It only will make things uglier. Especially in the future.

I’m going to stop here. I have nothing to add.

Marriage is something I am looking forward to but not hastily and for the wrong reasons.

Hope you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday with your family and a good week to you all

xo

 

Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you!

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“The more chances you give someone the less respect they’ll start to have for you. They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set because they’ll know another chance will always be given. They’re not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won’t walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you”.  

I stumbled on this quote the other day on my friend’s IG profile. I liked it and here we are several days later the content still on my mind, pondering and decided hence to share with you all some of my thoughts on the subject matter. But first;

In this new age of virtual insanity, it has become very difficult for single ladies out there to compete with one another and meet gentlemen. The easiness of the swipe and like button, DM’s and private Facebook messages has further let some of your guards down and make you behave in ways acceptable by mainstream media. On a moral standard, I deem such action unacceptable to you, a single lady, first and foremost.

Social media has shaped people to act on a whim because as I mentioned it earlier, a silent agreement has hatched way to people think it is ok to sext with a random stranger while in a relationship with another, message a late night booty call and get away with it while no party pays attention to the nonexistent next day follow up / call. There are many other examples but I do not need to pinpoint them all, right?

Now I know you are going to ask me, what is the point of all that I mentioned above, to do with the quote at the beginning of my blog post. Take what I am saying as a prerequisite, as what made way for men to be comfortable at disrespecting us. Social media (and everything virtual) is behind the malfunctioning experiences we have with the opposite sex and how we portray ourselves to our love conquests. I repeat: Relationships are being based on how we portray ourselves vis- a- vis social media. If we are okay with casual hook ups and guys not asking about us the next day then we are doing great with the ongoing trend. We are unconsciously not respecting ourselves, hence, we are paving way for men in getting comfortable disrespecting us every way possible. Social standard has stooped to its lowest and to be honest I don’t know till when we are going to let self respect partake in this affair.

For those sucker for a meaningful relationship, a fairy tale love (yes it does exist!!) stop accepting less in order to maintain a half ass (boy) man. If he doesn’t show interest in you on the first date and ask for a second one, just delete his number from your phone. It’s either there or not (the mutual attraction). Do not accept being the after-a-month second date. Trust me, if he likes you he wouldn’t have waited that long to see you again. If you feel that the person you are out having drinks with is only interested in casual sex and not bending towards #TeamRelationship, shorten your outing. You don’t need to waste your time, nor I believe you are looking to make new friends (remember we are all here for #TeamSayNoToHookUps). To those fixated on a crush whom you dated a couple of times but never got being exclusive, just stop making excuses for his lack of specificities and move on already. I bet 100$ he is waiting to have you in bed and hop to the next one. And last but not least, if you did give in to him not once but twice and thrice, still not being exclusive, then you can kick “respect” and “relationship” out of the window bye. You are now labeled as fuck-buddies. Ha! A label indeed. A slap in the face would be, for him to become exclusive with another woman. Girl you were just the “femme de passage” till he found the one with higher standards and self respect.

The way men treat you is based on the way you see yourself and treat yourself. Whatever image you are portraying to the outside world is how men will scrutinize you, enquire about you and then based on all the above approach you. You need to be headstrong in this dog eat dog world and set yourself on a pedestal. Forgiving once on one hand is ok however succumbing to social pressure and kissing your self- respect goodbye, will never get you the crown and the King you have long been awaiting for.

Are you worthy of a crown or becoming one of the pack follower?

That is for you and only you to decide.

X.O

ps: and don’t forget, it only takes one slip to make the cards all go tumbling down ….

(The image I used was randomly chosen off the internet – I don’t know who the artist is).