You fell in Love with… Thank God it’s Over!

It’s true, before ending with our prince charming we all have kissed a few frogs and those who say they haven’t, well they are lying!

In this blogpost, I decided to share with you a few of the typical men you will one day fall in love with. You will not only regret them, but look back at and laugh at how gullible you were to fight for their love.

By all means, this is not an autobiography. Apart from a few hands-on experiences, it is mostly friends and acquaintance’s stories.

1- The Fuck Boy.

This is the number one asshole every girl will encounter and be manipulated by. Do not judge the girl. She is hopelessly looking for love and easily believing his promises of a future together. His aim is only to get into her pants.He will come up with several excuses when approached by the status of the relationship and take his distances once she starts being clingy. Surprise surprise, when he will eventually have a girlfriend and leave you in disbelief over that fact. But a fuck boy remains a fuck boy. Pray God that you came out of his grip not too harmed.

ps: He will contact you again after his break up. Don’t become one of those “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” quoters. Just move on (away) from him.

2- The Commitophobe (#wordbymoi).

This gentleman (because yeah he generates that vibe) will ask you for a date, take you out to dinner, drinks and integrate you within his circle of friends. You will play house after a few months of being together. It’s a no brainer, he is the One. You’ve already planned you engagement a year+ later but,Surprise! Surprise, he breaks up with you. He is not ready. He never promised you anything. It was all in your head. You think about it and your realize that he is saying the truth indeed. He never talked marriage.

ps: You weren’t his One and trust me no one is either for the few years to come. Thank God he booted you out before that one year turned to two or three, in vain.

3- The Bipolar.

I am not sure if the title fits for this one, let me know if you find a better word for the person I am going to describe next. Before you started being too serious, he was openminded, generous, welcoming and embracing of your friends. Once the relationship tumbled into serious mode (after a few months) he completely changed. He became jealous of your friends, those same ones he met and enjoyed a couple of drinks with. You kissed your girls night out goodbye instantly. Your wardrobe became too skimpy for his likes. He started patronizing you and mistook his role of bf to father figure. The relationship ended because you just couldn’t continue with this new version of X.

ps: In my opinion, get away as soon as those traits come out of your boyfriend. You do not need a 21st century version of Khomeini in your future.

4- The condescending One.

You will never understand how you came to be in a relationship with this one. On paper he is perfect; same background, same religion, class and status. Your parents mingle within the same circle and well know one another too. Eventually you succumbed after a couple of dates into becoming his gf. For the wrong reasons. The latter being too good on paper than anything else. He doesn’t acknowledge you as a person, as his second half, only as the future trophy wife. He feels at ease in disrespecting you and your aspirations are null. He permits himself into acting this way because coming from a Middle Eastern society, women are desperately looking for their future husband based on these above mentioned points which, praise the Lord, you two have, so be merry and shut up. He abuses you emotionally. After a few months and many given chances you both give up. It just isn’t meant to be, pen & paper aside.

ps: It is a shame but it goes without saying, don’t settle for the one that will make your family and community happy. Go for the one that make YOU happy.

5- The Cheater.

He lacks self confidence. He has an emotional instability that dates back to his family dynamics. Oedipus’s complex much? Add to that; He is the player that suddenly turned saint when he met you. He wants to marry you. Shows you his materialistic accomplishments and offers you security. He takes you out and shows you off to everyone. You feel like a Queen. No you are the Queen. Now you peasants can become jealous. But we left out one thing here; the joke’s on you. You are a victim of his manipulative behavior. You are just a number, the xx-enth victim of his mind games. His goal? Well nothing at all. Life is a game for him. Get out of the field.

ps: He is a baller. And like that he is going to bounce in and out of your life if you permit it. Move on already and thank your prayers he’s on to his next victim.

 

It’s sad to know that there are many other types of relationships in which women fell and fought hard to keep for the wrong reasons.

Yes we have loved such men, and yes we imagined our future with them. However, I believe that God played a big role in teaching us lessons from such union and set us back to life in order to know whom to wait for.

Have you found your other half yet?

Trust me, you will…

xo

If you decide to do it – Don’t be AFRAID.

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This blog post goes out to all of you who are indecisive in taking the next big step in your life.

I know the struggle.

You want to spread your wings and fly away towards new horizons. Those, you have been dreaming for the last couple of months, if not years.

You want to become independent from the gripping hands of your surrounding.

You just want to get away from all the negativity and discouragement the ones around you have inflicted upon your person.

What’s worse in this dilemma is when your closed ones are those that will pull you further down instead of just giving you that extra push to let go and grasp your future.

Hereby I am writing to you, as I have experienced it first hand, why and how you should let go of their pettiness and jealousy and just throw yourself into oblivion.

  • Every one has a goal in life (those who don’t, well seriously, jump off a cliff). Your goal is yours. It is your baby and only you will work it, manage it, excel in it so as to succeed in it. No one will as they are not you. And thankfully will never be you.
  • A purpose in life is part of the cycle of life. You are put into this world to achieve something. Never underestimate your goal, never put others’ feelings about your purpose before your gut feeling.
  • Speaking of which, gut feeling is important. Gut feeling never lies nor unbalances you. It sets you straight towards attaining your goal and sometimes even better, abstain from certain decisions for better ones.
  • Critics are everywhere. And thank God for them. Never take them seriously, sometimes their reaction, behavior and opinion is what will let you remodel your purpose to excellency.
  • Jealousy? Well let’s face it, when a person is remotely jealous from another person’s vision, it is because he cannot relate. You will be surprised to notice that this same person has nothing going on with his own life, no goals, no achievements no nothing, hence that negative reaction. Logical right? (take a min and remember + think what I just said).
  • Always compare yourself to a successful friend, acquaintance or a family member. Their success will pave your way into the right direction.
  • Surround yourself with positive energy. If the household is pulling you down, grab your things and go work outside, in a coffeeshop or a co-work venue. You will surely be more focused, meet new people and get that pumped up energy into realizing you goal.
  • You don’t have your family support, fuck it! Haven’t you heard of the “friends become your chosen family” saying? Well now you have.
  • You have to, need to shine and make an impact in this life. Remember you are leaving a legacy behind , regardless its size. You are proving that the sky is your limit.
  • Most importantly, time is key. Stop delaying. Start.

My friends, the most important thing that I have learnt about achieving a long lost dream, is the effect of the reaction of your closed ones to it. I let discouragement and negativity affect me for a long time. But no more. Pursue your goals everyone. No one fails. because even if the outcome is not spectacular, but good, you know that the mere fact of daring and putting yourself out there is the most spectacular achievement of them all.

Love you all ❤

“I’m engaged, I can’t talk to you”

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I am never going to understand Arab mentality and the dos and donts of the society I come from. Over the many years I have spent in Beirut, Lebanon and the many men I dated and had long term relationships with, I have never quite understood the few silent agreements between couples, especially those engaged to be married within the year.

Apparently there is a hidden rule that states that once you are engaged, you, automatically, will have to stop interacting with humans from the opposite sex. Yes! Shocker!!

Yesterday I was catching up with a very close friend of mine. From the moment we took seats, I felt she wasn’t herself. Born in Canada, but raised in Lebanon, Saria inherited the Western values vs the Middle Eastern ones.

Here is her story.

Her very close friend who immigrated to the USA a few years back was in Beirut for the holidays. Both friends have kept in touch(whatsapp/fb messenger/instagram all that jazz) throughout the 9 years of his leaving and it was his first time back to visit friends and family. One itch however, he got engaged to his long time on-off girlfriend in the states and was here to officialize the union.

Don’t get me wrong, we are, oh-so-happy for the chap.

What we are appalled by is the fact that, although a few days before his arrival and anticipated reunion with his close friend (Saria) through a whatsapp message, Mister X shifts 180 degrees on Lebanese soil. We give him a few days, even a week (we are generous) to catch up with his family, close, far, in between. On the second week, we decide to get in touch and set a date for the meet up. Busy one day, sudden appointment the next day, and many “I will let you know, we will play it by the ear” (Lebanese style) came the day of his departure!

No wait, let me be specific, I rephrase that, ….came the morning of his departure.

Saria is no naive girl. Trust me. She knew something was wrong the moment she heard his voice on the phone. She knew that the person by the end of the receiver is no longer her friend. She knew all of that but for the sake of the 10+ years of friendship, gave X the benefit of doubt. All came tumbling down when he decided to give her 20min of his precious on his way to the airport (btw her house is a dot on that highway leading there, so two birds in one stone, you know the shizzle…). It all took for her such suggestion of a pop-up meeting to explode on the phone. He did what any lame boy would do and twisted everything to look innocently guilty. You know that “you are right, I was a jerk” blabla.. and they resumed their phone call on that.

As you know a story is not quite one without the cherry on the top moment. And her cherry came in the form of a block on Facebook and Instagram jointly in the same hour that it took him to get to the airport, on his plane and off to Washington DC. Pathetic. Loser.

Am I Right or Right??

Well when it comes to anything Lebanese related (friendship, relationship and social) I am not the least surprised at most of the experiences endured by my friends. From what I witnessed, my friend was more shocked than angry. This was a guy who left his family, friends and country for a better life abroad. In his lonely times, he connected through social media with his friends back home (among them Saria). I know Saria and I know the kind of person she is when she puts all her energy into her friends & family. And I know for a fact that this guy went through a depression, away from everyone (it’s normal) and that Saria was there, amidst the hour gap, conversing, cheering. Well being the definition of a very good friend.

Moreover, I very well know how of a coward Lebanese men are when they get engaged. I mean you got engaged, that does not mean that you have turned gay (my respect to the gay community) or are a cheater if you are hanging out with friends from the opposite sex. I mean if you have had feelings for that specific friend then ok you move away when in a serious relationship. Fine I’ll give you that, ok (although..well…). But just cutting and throwing away friendships like that, no no!!

How do you define these men?

Cowards?

Immature?

Full of low self esteem?

Not Trustworthy?

Have relationship issues?

Have life issues?

Well I would tick all the above and more.

If you have a friend who has cut you off because of the change of his relationship status, then know this, its not you, its definitely him/her and the above mentioned traits (and more).

You are better off with that sort of drama because if one thing is for sure, these people are going to be facing many issues when interacting with society as a whole.

Last but not least, congrats on your union!!

xo

 

 

Exes; those that cant be tamed.

disclaimer: Remember that ex you couldn’t live without? Well look at you, living and shit!!

Ex, is a word we are all too familiar with because, yeah, we all have a minimum of one in our drawer (if you don’t have an ex, then girl, have you been living under a rock?). Kitchen Drawer? Closet? Cabinet? Hell any restrained rectangular shaped space would do, as long as it doesn’t open by mistake (that cabinet holding all those old tupperware would do). So within these space you would toss an ex or two and try never to slide the door open, and if, God forbid, those damn sized tups’ burst the door open, shut it back firmly and tightly. You do not need an old junk when you have collected new gadgets in the cabinet next door. Why am I comparing exes to in-animated object? Well do I need to remind you what they talk behind our back to their home boys? Guess not, so tups they shall remain. And between us, sometimes they do deserve that adjective…

So I am writing about this topic because as a woman I relate to those who are weak when their ex tries to catch up with them out of the blue on a Tuesday afternoon, season being winter at best (you know in winter everyone is relatively in a hibernating mode and seeks his selfish comfort). I am reaching out to those women who are in doubt of themselves when an ex pops back in the picture. I am reaching to the women who I am warning not to cave back in. I admit and its human nature, I caved in and so did you. And we most probably learnt our lesson I know I did. 110%.

A decade ago we would have given our bone marrow to our partner. A decade ago, we were ready to be tied down and faithful to his (sorry) ass. We were patient and caring to his mood swings and depressive state of mind. We were taking care of his every whim. We put our 200% into the relationship only to be given the boot because he was not ready to settle down. Picket fences and all that shebang. We grabbed our hearts in our own hands, a few teardrops here and there for a couple of weeks and we moved on. Apparently, men (boys, to be more precise) do not move on as easily as we thought they did. When he came back, we gave him the benefit of doubt and rekindled the relation. Only to have the same problems resurface and ended with another break up in our hands. Not the fairy tale wedding we were imagining, nope. Flash forward ten years, give or take, and you have EX trying to infiltrate your life again. Apparently you turned out to be the one who actually did M.O.V.E  O.N. and you’re happy and you know it (clap your hands!!!). Ok, sorry I’m being too merry about this, I just felt like tuning, its the season to be jolly, lalalala you know!! (ok apparently you don’t, i’ll stop).

When a person becomes an EX, that word not just labels him, it defines the boundaries and sets the tone for any further relationship. An EX is a person that was once close to your heart. A person you shared everything with baring in mind of a possible future together. However, the WE became EX and your roads diverged. For the better, trust me. When an ex pops back and tries to cave you back in, try not to remember the good things. Remember the bad things. Remember why things never worked out. Remember the tears. Remember the broken promises. Remember the lies. Remember the drama. Do not set yourself good enough for the promises. Do not be content with his just words. Do not fall for the petty act. Do not fall again because of your pure heart. Do not fall because you think that he is the only one out there for you. Do not fall for the comfort of the relationship. Do not fall back into his comfort zone. Do not fall back because you are scared of any future uncertainties. Do not fall back into his arms because of the society’s pressure. NO!! You deserve better. No. You deserve the best. And the best is not hidden in that EX. It is hidden in your future. And that kind of future awaits you. That kind of Love is out there. Do not settle for less. Trust me (again).

There is a french saying that goes like this “Chasse le Naturel, Il retourne au galop” (shoo away human nature, it comes back naturally)and that is what happens slowly yet surely.

Now let’s toast to those who put their clingy exes in the in-animated tupperware closet and drink a couple of bubbly to the every woman in us!

Chin (up) chin (up)!

xo

 

 

A Best Friend? My real Myth!

What is a best friend? Do we need one in our life? How does one become another’s best friend? Are there guidelines? Actions & behaviors to cross off before becoming one officially?

I have had best friends all throughout the different stages of my life. As you all know, we grow up, circumstances change, location even, hence new friendships formed and best friends born out of. However I have learnt through my experiences that the notion of a best friend is over rated and I have decided not to have one. Seriously, why should I favorite one person, if not two, out of the people that happen to be part of my life? Is it because I am in contact with that specific person more than the others? Or because some unfortunate event drew us close to one another? Experience taught me not to confide into anyone if not related by blood.

Regardless of the reason, I do not believe that one person should be held on a pedestal.

When you know you have to call it quits:

  • Not receiving the same amount of attention, emotion, care and respect. I noticed that I have been far more reaching to my best friend’s distress and call of help that I did not realize the lack of reciprocity. Much energy was drained from my person that I stopped altogether looking forward for casual meetings. We all need love and care. Even a therapist sees a therapist.
  • The physical distance which was there for years started having an impact on the relationship. Less texts, less social media contact, and non existent phone calls paved way to us drifting away. Even when in the same city, keeping in touch seemed less frequent. Mind you, it takes two to tango.
  • Every person is broken, that is why we seek refuge into another human being. To feel whole again. But when unexpected situations and actions further cut your wounds deeply, you set some boundaries, build a wall and distance yourself.
  • We grow up. We change. Friendship changes. It is not supposed to stand the test of time. Circumstances leads to different mindset, different approach and different, sometime contradictory, behaviors. However, if you ask me, the worse slap in the face is when one matures whereas the other one is still stuck in a rut, a mindset of his own.

You changed? Life happened. If you are not feeling loved and you are not happy with the current situation, then stop fighting for that friendship. Cherish the memories. Call it quits. Trust me you have gained and not lost.

Can I untag myself from being your Best of Friend? Thank you!

 

 

 

 

Why I am done with Lebanon for good.

Disclaimer: This post is my ever frank opinion of what I have left behind in Lebanon. An honest direct post I did not intend to write in a politically correct tone, for once. 

It is no secret that I am not fond of Lebanon. No wait let me start again. It is no secret that I hate Lebanon and everything that is related to its population and way of life. Ever since we moved back to Beirut in 1993 (from Montreal) my relationship with this Middle eastern country went from hectic to down right estrangement. Earlier this year, I decided that it was high time to leave everything and everyone behind and move back to my adoptive country. A very tough decision, tough not because I am going to leave everyone behind (those who know me know that I don’t give a flying fuck about anyone) tough because it is a huge irrevocable step once you set foot abroad, as I have a few days ago.

For the 23 years I lived in Beirut, rare are the memories that I cherish and hang on to. Why did it take me 23 years to take my decision to go back to Canada? personal matters. Now that I am settling back, I want to share with you few of the points that I am sure many of you relate to and that led me move back and enjoy North America very much these last couple of days. The points that I am about to share are more related to a human level than any of the usual rants people direct towards politics.

1- It’s mind blowing how every single Lebanese thinks he/she is God sent on earth. I have never seen a snobbish society as a whole. Its as if every single person became amnesic all of a sudden and woke up with a silver spoon in his/her mouth (in his/her mid twenties+). We tend to notice clones of women at any given event, at the mall (yeah plastic surgeons have all graduated from the same medical establishment abroad) yet at a closer look, we realize that their personalities is much worse defective than their face. Have you ever seen a Lebanese smiling at one another? Even in front of their cameras their (siliconed) lips are pouting and their faces ever so bored and high mighty. To be honest, I so many times wanted to bitch slap (verbally) snobbish friends back to their village, reminding them of their farming ancestors every time they tended to act superior when in public. I mean, fuck you bitch, if it weren’t for your dad slaving away in Saudi Arabia, and sending you a monthly salary (age 30+) you wouldn’t have dreamt eating at newly opened fine dining restaurants and mocking/yelling out orders to the staff and rolling your eyes at a passerby. And let’s not start with the employee with a 1000$ salary (tops) behaving as if she made 3000$+ parading & glowing with her signature outfit & attitude.

2- Let’s shift to the employment sector. It is simple, if you don’t have a “wasta” (its funny how that word auto-corrects itself to ‘waste’ whenever I type it) you are a nobody and you will never achieve your potential in Lebanon. And if you are under valued, all you need to do is master the open split and you will get to places. Higher places. Yes why are you looking at me like this? I have always said that among the people that easily succeed in Lebanon is the whore. The Lebanese whore is the all of a sudden successful female thrown in society and very much respected by her peers (for her position..). Men wanna fuck her (which she will hand fully pick depending on her future ambition) and women wanna befriend her (for the new alliances and doors she will be opening to them). The worse part of all this scenario is that the ambition and status of this woman is shallow and irrelevant to the big picture which is life. Many of these people find solace in social media with thousands of fake followers to give them the much needed boost to their fragile self confidence and ugly stature and personality. You wanna know what is pitiful for employees with wasta? Some mothers go to the extreme of whoring themselves or make big donations so as to ensure their children’s future at X and Y organizations. (true story).

3-Friends? What friends? this terminology is over-rated. Alliances yes. Friendship no. Over the years, I realized that I was surrounded by shallow hypocrites who secretly awaited my downfall in work as well as my relationship status. Hence the drastic cut of my ‘friends’ list. From one day to the other, best friends became strangers. I look around me and rare are the relationships that I define as friendship among the people that I know. Everyone is in constant competition with one another. Gatherings are occurred so as to fill social media pages with (fake) fun and a bubbly way of life. Of course, everyone is a hedonist whether they can afford the lifestyle or not (thank you Lebanese banks for the loans). Conversations are superficial and revolve solely around the fashion designers to be, the events that were launched, the dresses that were worn and the ‘celebrities’ that are popping like chicken pox. If you do not relate to this ever growing shallow society, then you tend to find yourself the odd one out and castrated. I do not tend to make an effort to anything that does not interest me nor would be an added value to my life. And by being that person, I, thankfully, realized who is the real friend that stood by me and I continued to genuinely enjoy his/her presence in my everyday life. Those that lingered away so as to establish themselves within this fake surrounding (knowingly aware of my adamant stand against) granted me the gift of discovering the meaning of true friendship. Here I take a moment to thank Meena, Angie and Rony for being the best friends one can ever wish for. The rest of you can go fuck yourselves.

4- The clash between life abroad and in Lebanon, I discovered when I went to pursue my studies in London. There I met genuine, caring and interesting people. People from around the world, from different culture and upbringing that further assured me of one important thing; my non-belongingness to the Middle East. Men respect their women when out and about. They are cultured and interested by you and not only your boobs and loubs. They are fine gentlemen. The women have intellectual discussions and gatherings revolve in open spaces, museums, walking, canoeing and taking pictures in which one can witness the big smile on their faces. Dates are respected and not cancelled at the last moment, or worse dismissed without any advance notice. To those who continue giving a self important image of themselves by not notifying a cancellation in appointment, I do not wanna say anything to them; their pitiful stand is more than enough.

Unfortunately, Lebanon proved to me a haven for the hypocrite, the fake, the whore, the loser and the self proclaimed celebrity.

In Lebanon, I did not find myself. I only found jealousy mastered at a professional level. I only found myself being judged and labelled. I found myself in professional situations where my family name played a role leading me in handing  my resignation letter. The honest hard working person is not appreciated. The liar and the whore is King/Queen.

I am thankful that as a Canadian citizen I am going to be able to fulfill my dreams with my own potential and certificates at hand. I am thankful that Canada is far away from the Middle East. And I am thankful that I have my family and best friends next to me forever no matter the distance.

xo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where did The Courtship Go?

Disclaimer: Directed to the general “manly” Lebanese public. Those who do not feel concerned, do not need to take it personally by trying to defend the below mentioned majority out there. Thank you in advance for your understanding!

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Today, I decided to listen to the classical french songs while reading, writing and doing my morning work out. Reminiscing? Maybe. Hearing the romantic lyrics emanating from artists such as Michel Sardou, Jeanne Mass, France Gall, Charles Aznavour (etc..) I realized how rich and fulfilled our parents must have lived their life back in the days. Back in the days where courtship had a meaning and the respect we, these days, are seeking in future relationship, lacking.

Alas, nowadays the full meaning of dating is non existent. Ten years ago, women and men went on dates because they felt a certain emotional/ physical attraction towards one another. They used to give time for a relationship to blossom through two, three outings, meetings each other’s circle of friends and then take the final step of being together as a couple. Men used to respect their love conquest whether privately or/and in front of the public.

Flash forward nowadays, dating is inexistent. Forget being taken out to dinners. Trending is going out for drinks, toppled by a few shots. Conversations are superfluous. The end game? Getting you drunk, in bed and done. Their inspiration for such behavior? The over exaggerated american movies depicting over rated lifestyles, the ‘Cool’ girls out there who have approved and developed the hook up culture in our society as means of going out to trendy clubs free of charge. If they only knew how foreigners, and I emphasize on the word because I am not including Middle Eastern men, really treat their women, they would be shocked because such courtship is no longer available in their 21st century vocabulary.

What is a niche of men abroad is major in our city. By that I mean those who are going out within the norms of the hook up culture. It is a shame really for women in this city. I am not surprised that the majority of us are dedicated into pursuing our ambition passionately rather than investing our time in looking for A MAN.

Lebanese Men, you are over rated and I am not falling for your tricks. Top it, you are as rich as your upbringing (which is none) and not the money siphoned from your parents businesses.

Et sur ce, “elle court, elle court, la maladie d’amour….”

xo