Being an Introvert; a blessing or a curse?

Well to be honest that is somehow a difficult question to answer to.

You see I am an introvert, yet sometimes, regarding the situation I find myself in, I feel I am open to others.

However deep down, I carry the introvert flag (loud & proud).

Is being an introvert a blessing or a curse? In total honesty, it is both.

What is an introvert? According to our faithful search engine, google, an introvert is “a person that tends to turn inward mentally. A person that avoids large group of people, feeling more energized by time alone”.

Guilty as charged.

In short, the days that I go MIA, are the days that I am on a me-time spree #MeMyselfandI and you should all respect that and not judge (especially something that you are not fully acquainted about).

 

What are the blessings tagged to an introvert?

  • Keeping far away from drama >> picture yourself being far from girlfriends bickering, gossiping/bad mouthing, nagging about some nonsense or the other. Peaceful isn’t it? Why waste my breath on useless conversations I might add…
  • Focusing on Your Self >>mentally, spiritually and physically. Learning on being your own person and relying on yourself, because not everyone is going to be there for you, despite their assurances.
  • Developing your selfish/me-time hobbies >> reading, writing, drawing.
  • You become a professional in behavior analysis >> I know that I can easily decipher hidden messages, furtive glances and failed secret mimes between parties at a social gathering (because I watch behaviors rather than immerse myself into conversations).
  • You have a tight circle of friends >> quality over quantity and real over fake friends.
  • Let’s be direct, every social outing becomes appreciated and looked forward at.
  • You develop your personality traits a notch further >> I know I became stronger and determined thanks to my introvert-ness.

Routine bores me. By being an introvert, one would assume that all that me-time would drain me. Surprisingly, not at all. Being away from human interaction, empowers me to continue doing the things that make me happy. Isn’t it a known fact that most of the time one is unhappy by his interaction with other people. Deceit, jealousy are just simple examples of the point that I am trying to convey to you previously.

** Do take in account that I have the just number of friends that I do interact with, enjoy my time with and vice versa. I am not a hermit after all (with all due respect).

I just don’t like to waste my time within large groups of people and push myself  into useless conversations just because it is the norm to do so. I, specifically, hate being dragged to dinners parties knowing that more than half of the people there are talking superficialities. Why waste my breath I say, and tend to sip on my drink while analyzing the hidden glances between two people on the left corner of the room. I remember a few years back I was going out with this guy who when breaking up accused me of being anti social with his group of friends. Well if not talking to a bunch of late thirty year olds acting as teenagers working at their daddy’s company and laughing like a bunch of airheads is anti social, then be it. Oh yeah and let’s not forget the joint passing drama along the way. Haha? I kid not!

**Most of the time my analysis of the situation, without being part of the circle of people and part of the conversation, tends to be 100% accurate. Watch out!!

 

Now, is being an introvert a curse?

  • Acquaintances will no longer include you in their plans >> a blessing in disguise really (said the introvert in me!)
  • Awkwardness when attending obligated social events >> sip on those cocktails and time will fly (said the introvert in me, again!)
  • If you are not a 100% introvert, you will be labelled as one despite your claims on the contrary >> you will spend your time trying to convince and prove them wrong (now that is a pain!!)
  • You might lose interesting job opportunities that require some social interaction (because as mentioned above, they are labelling you, misunderstanding your whole trait…I mean come on I used to be a customer representative at a bank, now would I have been able to manage that position if I were a 100% introvert?)
  • You will feel an unspoken pressure,of constantly being misunderstood because of your characteristic.

 

To be completely honest with you, being extreme about everything is bad. Am I an introvert? Yes I am. I enjoy myself, my person, more than I do anyone else? Again, yes I do. Say what you like, think what you like, but I know that’s a logical thing to feel (although a lot of you won’t admit because Awkward!!)

With time passing by and circumstances changing (worldwide), more and more people are becoming hypocritical of one another (especially behind their backs) and fighting for their survival (even if it means crashing their friend on their way to success).

I am an introvert with a set group of friends (who shrunk even further after I left Lebanon). I enjoy going out whenever I want to, meet new and genuine people in interesting settings / parties, and I am in no obligation of defining and proving my extrovert-ness to anyone’s peace of mind.

You like my company? Tag along.

You don’t? What a bliss (says the introvert in me, again & again & again!!!)

xo

**My next post is going to be about what I LEARNT from being in Lebanon 10months in between my relocation to Canada. Stay Alert!! 

 

What YOU should NEVER take for granted.

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Embrace Day 1 of 2017. My first blogpost of the year.

Happy New Year everyone! I wished for each and every one of you a pleasant evening surrounded with your loved ones (did you keep the champagne pouring?). I wish you all an amazing year ahead. I know most of you are excited and anticipating what 2017 may be holding for you. Hopefully everything beautiful and positive.

For my first post of the year, I decided to share with you a few of the things that I unfortunately took for granted, only to have them come bit my ass when I least expected it. I am fully aware that many of you are familiar with the notions that I am going to enumerate, still it’s good to refresh one’s memory especially at the start of the year. Remember never let your guard down.

Friends; 

And I, by no means, mean friends in general, nor acquaintances. I mean your best friend, or to some who would prefer not to label the relationship, the ones you see almost everyday, the ones you are constantly on Whatsapp with (yeah calling is no longer IN), the ones you tag, mention and send screenshot(ted) conversations to. Yes those friends. You think you are close because of the one too many deep conversations together but never assume the esteem you have to this person is reciprocated 100%. Do not pour your soul into just anyone.

Family; 

Some are blessed with family members who would sell their soul to see them succeed and happy. They would give their kidney to one another to see them peaceful. Some are hypocrites awaiting the downfall of their next to kin. Some are petty and ugly from the inside. Some will play with each other’s feelings to gain sympathy. Not everyone can claim his family to be his backbone.

Looks; 

Yes we are not getting younger. We are aging. I know most of you will not like the terms I am using but this is the reality. Your metabolism at 35 is not the same as when you were 25. Physically if you do not maintain yourself, you are going to put on extra pounds especially around the waist, the hip and the tricep/back area. Do not, and I repeat, do not find excuses of your weight gain from going to gym regularly (muscle mass gain). Have the full body mass exam at a dietician and you will be in for some surprise. A nip & tuck here and there is ok as long as you don’t go overboard (and look like someone else completely!).

Health; 

Your health is very important. Do a full checkup once a year to be on the safe side. I know we tend to always put the doctor’s appointment at the back of our minds, especially dentists, but it is very important we set the date for that yearly check up. I postponed my dentist appointment the last 3 years that at 2016’s checkup I had so much to do, costing me an arm and a leg. Destress and go get that full body massage you have been craving since forever. We all deserve to splurge once in a while.

Time; 

Are you with me? Yes we tend to take it for granted so much that we tend to postpone projects, phone calls, meetings and most importantly saying how much we love one other. We might be robbed by time when we least expect it. Never postpone, seize the day and amidst the turmoil and the obstacles, go for it, do it.

 

“Hamdellah” the year ended on a good note. I learnt from my mistakes and though disappointed by my expectations from others, I am grateful to know what awaits me from the external world, from friends and strangers alike. Life is a bitch for petty people. Karma is never on their side. Time is running fast, 2017 just started. Let’s not waste any more time. 2017 you are my year for everything. I will never take anything for granted anymore, especially not human beings. oh yeah I am considering adopting a dog …in 2017. 

 

 

 

A Year Ago vs Today; the Last chapter of Mourning.

Disclaimer: This might be one of, if not, the most personal post I have ever published on my blog. I might have been blessed to be surrounded by love & comforting friends, but the main strength relies on oneself only, Only you can survive a tragic loss. Only you can make the change.

 

A year and 17 hours ago,  I woke up from a nightmare unfolding into a reality; I had just lost the most important person in my life; the man that I had spent the last 33 years with living under the same roof, the man that had given me the best life I could possibly imagine of and the man that showered me with an unprecedented unconditional love day and night. In a split second it all came to an end.

Everyone assumed that I was going to break and fall into oblivion. Everyone was expecting a meltdown. Everyone. Even I.

The first year is always the worse (everyone said). You spend birthdays, Christmas, New Year and some important commemorations with that one person absent. You shred some tears (even choking sobs) on those dates, looking back at old pictures. Pictures and selfies you will not be able to renew years from now; comparing the eventual growth of the persons involved, physically, and capturing emotions regarding the moments you are experiencing together. It is normal to shy away from society; everyone is understanding however the problem arises when you start getting comfortable in your new cocoon. A cocoon that on the long run will be harming you and only you. It will rise some concern within your family and close friends. Days will pass by, even months and you will turn into a walking zombie in your home, while everyone else is eventually moving on. Then one Day it will stop.

7 months later I woke up. I woke up and said yes to a dinner invite set by my close friend. I showered (no people no, I was showering everyday, please!) dressed and before leaving the house kept on repeating to myself that everything is going to be okay. I had a really great time (thank you for asking!) and decided to take my life back.

What I am trying to say is the following:

  • you will always feel the loss. you will always shred tears. you will never get over it or as everyone keep on pressing; ‘move on’.
  • you will have to bounce back to life.
  • can you imagine yourself sad and depressed for years to come? (I can’t)
  • as cheesy as this may sound, nor the person you lost would have liked to see you wasting your life like that on his/her expense.

A loss is a tragedy, mourning a fatality if not treated well. As I said before, if you do not take matters into your own hand while spiraling down the rabbit hole, the end of your life (not literally) would bite your ass sooner than you thought. The hand that was lent to you, grabbing you, will eventually slip and make your fall deeper down the hole. The light, while looking up the hole, will be fading to a point where you will be wishing you saw it back ‘full screen’.

Being strong under such circumstances is not easy. I never thought of myself as a strong person. This tragedy proved to me, that not only am I strong, but I can face any obstacle thrown my way with determination and assiduity. That every problem has a solution. That it is not the end of the world. That life is only lived once. That he is watching over me. That he is proud of me. That he is always going to be next to me. That he lives within me. That I am his legacy. And his legacy is ALIVE  with me.

I will always LOVE  you Dad..

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xo