NEWLYWEDS; Stop hating the game. Hate the player instead – aka You.

Lately, it has come to my attention that, apart from the alarming rise of the divorce rate, newlyweds are spreading hatred towards the institution of marriage.

Rather than admitting their failure in comprehending the difference between the notion of a wedding and that of a marriage, they are complaining about their marital ‘bliss’ and advising their friends not to venture in these ‘damned’ waters.

When I hear the demise of X & Y, less than a year into marriage, I no longer feel sadness nor try to become that shoulder to cry on. No I am not a bad friend, I am a patient friend who has become sick and tired of grown ups messing up their future and saddling their way into marriage less than a year from dating their ‘soul mate’.

Do you know what marriage is? Clearly not, since you are fantasizing about your separation and freedom less than six months into playing house with your wife/husband.

Marriage is sacred especially when you have taken oath in the House of God to be united with that woman/man standing next to you, through sickness and health, till death do you apart.

Clearly I have not jumped into that bandwagon because so far I never felt I would stick to that statement forever with the men I dated. And yes I got a few proposals that led to the end the relationship because I did not want to stand where you are right now, sad, tearful and trying to make my best friend feel sorry about my rushed decision (add to that the cause of my detachment from my friends altogether a month after our honeymoon).

Stop with the bullshit and assume your responsibilities. Admit that you rushed heads on into marrying X because at age 30+ you panicked you would end up an old spinster.

My God, already thinking of your demise at an early age, an old spinster. Let me LOL.

The worse for us friends, best friends, is that we see you rushing into this union yet can’t bring ourselves to give our honest opinion because we are already being labeled as the jealous friend. Hence we shut up, have an amazing time at your wedding party and pray that it all works out in the future.

Who am I kidding! We know sooner than later we are going to be hearing all about his/her dirty laundry (yes sometimes literally).

You know what kills me?

Most of you have seen this scenario happen to your friends & acquaintances, vowed not to be that stupid yet turned out to be the biggest fool of them all.

You know what I want to do aside from punching you right in the face when you come all beaten up and resigned about life?

I want to tell you the following;

You are a grown up woman, assume your responsibilities and let us be.

Stop bickering, stop turning something beautiful and blessed as a marriage into a hellhole you want to crawl out from.

You dug your own grave, sleep in it.

He turned up to be another person? No shit!! How can you even think that you have known him fully, merely a year from meeting him. Most of the time, parents have trouble recognizing their children well into their adulthood.

I don’t love him? I am not surprised! Girl friend, here’s a newsflash; you never were. You were infatuated with the whole tying the knot concept.

Blame your sudden mood change on your unhappy marriage? No, no and no. I am not going to accept such lame excuses. You are 30, differentiate and decide on a pattern of behavior once and for all and assume your responsibilities. You’re a woman now!

Coercing me into hating your ‘other half’? I don’t know him/her really well so I cannot take your word against him/her (especially after this fiasco).There are two sides of a story, let me hear his/hers and then decide. No wait, on second thought, I don’t want to become your marriage counselor. Sod off.

You want me to blame society now, don’t ya?

Nah! I am not going to blame society, because contrary to general opinion, no one slapped you on your hands and coerced you into saying I do in front of 250+ guests. Nope. Last time I checked, you were mature and vaccine, so was he/she.

Why am I writing about this topic now? Because I have had it with married friends busting my balls with their failed marriage. I am fed up with people who misunderstood the whole concept of marriage, trying to convince me of not taking the next step (just because their marriage went down the drain a couple of months after their wedding).

But most importantly I am fed up from those people victimizing themselves and making us feel sorry about them.

Fucking Grow Up already.

Trolls.

Off. You. Go.

Ps: do I even have to write about those who rushed into having baby #1 ?

No no and no…. a baby is not an object to make your marriage better. Do you know how many times I have heard about “I am into this for my son/daughter”, “I don’t care anymore, I have my baby now”. A baby should come into a caring and united family. A healthy family. A baby is Not the glue to stick the broken glasses back together. It never did. It only will make things uglier. Especially in the future.

I’m going to stop here. I have nothing to add.

Marriage is something I am looking forward to but not hastily and for the wrong reasons.

Hope you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday with your family and a good week to you all

xo

 

Men- Commitment- Relationships.

Disclaimer: I am writing to you this post baring in mind that I am not generalizing the male gender, yet we can all agree that more than half of them behave one way or another. 

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First of all, I want to clarify that I can not be more than happy when an old flame, an ex-boyfriend or a crush finds his soul mate and commits to a serious relationship with her. Truly, I am happy for him. I believe that if we were meant to be, we would’ve worked out at some point over time, but we did not and someone is out there to become my life long partner.

In our lifetime, we have come to accept that the normal path to take is to be in a monogamous relationship, that eventually will lead to marriage and the beginning of a family with one or more offspring. Totally normal, right? right!

I believe that any relationship should be, foremost, based on mutual trust and honest communication between both parties. Of course, what first attracted these two people is physicality. We are humans and what is appealing interests us. One conversation, or one date, can set the beginning or the halt of a future relationship. That feeling of Love develops. A beautiful thing to experience I am said. My tone may reflect that I have not experienced love and I thought I had but it is lately that I have come to term that I did not fully live that emotion maturely. Most married couple will assure me that love fades away after the years. I can not agree nor disagree with that statement since I have not been married yet but I will have to shed a light on the roots of such statement.

I have witnessed that many of the married couple (and those is a serious relationship for more that two years) grow apart after sometime. They take their situation for granted and let themselves go. They do not put the same amount of effort they used to when at the start of their relationship and blame one another for any differences. Compromise is no longer part of their vocabulary. How did that simple important fact disappear in thin air? What ensues is the lingering eyes of men towards the rest of the single female population.

Social media interaction has and still plays an important part in pursuing a love interest outside the confines of a steady relationship. A simple hello from a past love triggers question marks. I am sure you agree with me when I say that a re-connection from ‘in a relationship’ men is not as innocent as they try to portray. In my opinion, it is best to cut short this sudden caring concern catch- up session as early as detected. Personally, I feel sorry for that person’s girlfriend and thank God I am not in her shoes. Married men behaving this way ( whether he is my friend or not) just disgust me. An ex- boyfriend you ask me? Well I am grateful not to have been legally bound to him.

Men, if you are not happy in your current situation, which you are not since you are taking the time and effort to establish a connection with the rest of us, one solution comes to my mind; switch to single hood. That way, you are not being the hypocrite you are towards your other half and mostly to yourself. As for those who are bound by marriage, I would direct your attention to the many ‘hoes’ out there that are gladly happy to welcome you in their lives (and beds) with no question asked.

Most of the single women I know have not completely given up on love and marriage. And all of them respect themselves so as not to be entangled in a triangular love nest. Now there are surely those who take upon themselves a challenge to snatch you away from your woman but I won’t get into that debacle. If you find yourself suddenly in love and cannot go on without that person in your life than better break off your current situation for the new one. Girls whoever, do not forget one important fact; Once a cheater, always a cheater!

Ideally speaking it is a known fact that most of the successful relationships’ root is an established friendship. I am not saying that everyone should marry off his/ her best friend but one should ponder on the fact that ‘we were friends who developed mutual feelings outside our capacity’.

How many of you can assuringly tell me that you would blindly commit to your other half and make things work?

Many of us, single women, do not linger on our past relationships because we know that we were not fully happy and ready to commit to that person for the rest of our lives. Yes I said it once more. Those failed relationships made us the person we are today and paved the way to know what we want in life and from our future partner and most importantly how to handle a given situation.

I know that ‘I would bleed my self dry’ (Coldplay- Yellow) for my man and he would do the same to me.

XO

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