Being an Introvert; a blessing or a curse?

Well to be honest that is somehow a difficult question to answer to.

You see I am an introvert, yet sometimes, regarding the situation I find myself in, I feel I am open to others.

However deep down, I carry the introvert flag (loud & proud).

Is being an introvert a blessing or a curse? In total honesty, it is both.

What is an introvert? According to our faithful search engine, google, an introvert is “a person that tends to turn inward mentally. A person that avoids large group of people, feeling more energized by time alone”.

Guilty as charged.

In short, the days that I go MIA, are the days that I am on a me-time spree #MeMyselfandI and you should all respect that and not judge (especially something that you are not fully acquainted about).

 

What are the blessings tagged to an introvert?

  • Keeping far away from drama >> picture yourself being far from girlfriends bickering, gossiping/bad mouthing, nagging about some nonsense or the other. Peaceful isn’t it? Why waste my breath on useless conversations I might add…
  • Focusing on Your Self >>mentally, spiritually and physically. Learning on being your own person and relying on yourself, because not everyone is going to be there for you, despite their assurances.
  • Developing your selfish/me-time hobbies >> reading, writing, drawing.
  • You become a professional in behavior analysis >> I know that I can easily decipher hidden messages, furtive glances and failed secret mimes between parties at a social gathering (because I watch behaviors rather than immerse myself into conversations).
  • You have a tight circle of friends >> quality over quantity and real over fake friends.
  • Let’s be direct, every social outing becomes appreciated and looked forward at.
  • You develop your personality traits a notch further >> I know I became stronger and determined thanks to my introvert-ness.

Routine bores me. By being an introvert, one would assume that all that me-time would drain me. Surprisingly, not at all. Being away from human interaction, empowers me to continue doing the things that make me happy. Isn’t it a known fact that most of the time one is unhappy by his interaction with other people. Deceit, jealousy are just simple examples of the point that I am trying to convey to you previously.

** Do take in account that I have the just number of friends that I do interact with, enjoy my time with and vice versa. I am not a hermit after all (with all due respect).

I just don’t like to waste my time within large groups of people and push myself  into useless conversations just because it is the norm to do so. I, specifically, hate being dragged to dinners parties knowing that more than half of the people there are talking superficialities. Why waste my breath I say, and tend to sip on my drink while analyzing the hidden glances between two people on the left corner of the room. I remember a few years back I was going out with this guy who when breaking up accused me of being anti social with his group of friends. Well if not talking to a bunch of late thirty year olds acting as teenagers working at their daddy’s company and laughing like a bunch of airheads is anti social, then be it. Oh yeah and let’s not forget the joint passing drama along the way. Haha? I kid not!

**Most of the time my analysis of the situation, without being part of the circle of people and part of the conversation, tends to be 100% accurate. Watch out!!

 

Now, is being an introvert a curse?

  • Acquaintances will no longer include you in their plans >> a blessing in disguise really (said the introvert in me!)
  • Awkwardness when attending obligated social events >> sip on those cocktails and time will fly (said the introvert in me, again!)
  • If you are not a 100% introvert, you will be labelled as one despite your claims on the contrary >> you will spend your time trying to convince and prove them wrong (now that is a pain!!)
  • You might lose interesting job opportunities that require some social interaction (because as mentioned above, they are labelling you, misunderstanding your whole trait…I mean come on I used to be a customer representative at a bank, now would I have been able to manage that position if I were a 100% introvert?)
  • You will feel an unspoken pressure,of constantly being misunderstood because of your characteristic.

 

To be completely honest with you, being extreme about everything is bad. Am I an introvert? Yes I am. I enjoy myself, my person, more than I do anyone else? Again, yes I do. Say what you like, think what you like, but I know that’s a logical thing to feel (although a lot of you won’t admit because Awkward!!)

With time passing by and circumstances changing (worldwide), more and more people are becoming hypocritical of one another (especially behind their backs) and fighting for their survival (even if it means crashing their friend on their way to success).

I am an introvert with a set group of friends (who shrunk even further after I left Lebanon). I enjoy going out whenever I want to, meet new and genuine people in interesting settings / parties, and I am in no obligation of defining and proving my extrovert-ness to anyone’s peace of mind.

You like my company? Tag along.

You don’t? What a bliss (says the introvert in me, again & again & again!!!)

xo

**My next post is going to be about what I LEARNT from being in Lebanon 10months in between my relocation to Canada. Stay Alert!! 

 

Some Things Post- Mortem.

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A loss is a tragedy that can befall on anyone, anywhere and at anytime. The loss of a dear  family member as well as that of a close friend is a fact that we are all going to go through at some point in our lives. This tragic episode of one’s life will never be understood by your friend, especially after months of mourning.

I lost my father a few months back and although they tell you time heals everything, I can rest assure you that it does not. Unfortunately, one can not wish this tragedy upon the other for some empathy. Only you will sympathize with yourself. Unconsciously along the mourning process, you will be faced with life changing questions. Without even realizing what is happening, you will wake up one day after a few months a new you.

Here are few of the irrevocable changes that a person in mourning goes through unconsciously;

– You wake up one day with all feelings drained out of your body. You become numb. You can not differentiate between love, loss, happiness and sadness. You do not know what to feel and you lack reaction to situations, conversations and people. Days pass with ups and downs. You don’t lose hope. You hope one day to regain your senses back.

– You do not tolerate being around other human beings. Sometimes seeing a friend is an ordeal while other days it is what you have mostly been awaiting for. Some friends will never hear from you again while others will be happy with your increased presence in their life. Reasons for maintaining old friendships and developing new ones will be based on a different and new out look on life (no harm nor offense to be taken).

– You might have become the numb version of yourself yet you can be fascinated by the ability of seeing things and people through. Your whole system has not shut itself down. You still have control of your defensive senses. No one can take advantage of you. Let them try and all hell will be unleashed.

– You lose some of that joy of life we all have within and take for granted. You might still go out for a drink or two with a restrictive party of two or three close friends but you can not tolerate the big party spaces with abundant alcohol and ear damaging music.

– You invest your time in pursuing and developing new/ old passions. No one will understand your sudden interest in solo times off. They do not need to. You will work hard in silence and let someday success make the noise. Suddenly, ‘Me, Myself and I’ make complete sense.

– You lose any sense of security. Hence for a person who never stayed at home, you find yourself more indoors than outdoors.

 

Your life has changed 180 degrees and will never return back to the way it used to be. The tools that were there to make you function everyday will suddenly break down and the arrival of the tool man will take forever. Rare are the ones who will be patient and tolerant of your mood swings and apathy. You will sleep everyday praying that this period ends the next day. You will wake up everyday and realize that you still are not there and might have a long way ahead.

Life is a mystery one should hang on to. One day all be back to normal. Yet not quite so.