You fell in Love with… Thank God it’s Over!

It’s true, before ending with our prince charming we all have kissed a few frogs and those who say they haven’t, well they are lying!

In this blogpost, I decided to share with you a few of the typical men you will one day fall in love with. You will not only regret them, but look back at and laugh at how gullible you were to fight for their love.

By all means, this is not an autobiography. Apart from a few hands-on experiences, it is mostly friends and acquaintance’s stories.

1- The Fuck Boy.

This is the number one asshole every girl will encounter and be manipulated by. Do not judge the girl. She is hopelessly looking for love and easily believing his promises of a future together. His aim is only to get into her pants.He will come up with several excuses when approached by the status of the relationship and take his distances once she starts being clingy. Surprise surprise, when he will eventually have a girlfriend and leave you in disbelief over that fact. But a fuck boy remains a fuck boy. Pray God that you came out of his grip not too harmed.

ps: He will contact you again after his break up. Don’t become one of those “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” quoters. Just move on (away) from him.

2- The Commitophobe (#wordbymoi).

This gentleman (because yeah he generates that vibe) will ask you for a date, take you out to dinner, drinks and integrate you within his circle of friends. You will play house after a few months of being together. It’s a no brainer, he is the One. You’ve already planned you engagement a year+ later but,Surprise! Surprise, he breaks up with you. He is not ready. He never promised you anything. It was all in your head. You think about it and your realize that he is saying the truth indeed. He never talked marriage.

ps: You weren’t his One and trust me no one is either for the few years to come. Thank God he booted you out before that one year turned to two or three, in vain.

3- The Bipolar.

I am not sure if the title fits for this one, let me know if you find a better word for the person I am going to describe next. Before you started being too serious, he was openminded, generous, welcoming and embracing of your friends. Once the relationship tumbled into serious mode (after a few months) he completely changed. He became jealous of your friends, those same ones he met and enjoyed a couple of drinks with. You kissed your girls night out goodbye instantly. Your wardrobe became too skimpy for his likes. He started patronizing you and mistook his role of bf to father figure. The relationship ended because you just couldn’t continue with this new version of X.

ps: In my opinion, get away as soon as those traits come out of your boyfriend. You do not need a 21st century version of Khomeini in your future.

4- The condescending One.

You will never understand how you came to be in a relationship with this one. On paper he is perfect; same background, same religion, class and status. Your parents mingle within the same circle and well know one another too. Eventually you succumbed after a couple of dates into becoming his gf. For the wrong reasons. The latter being too good on paper than anything else. He doesn’t acknowledge you as a person, as his second half, only as the future trophy wife. He feels at ease in disrespecting you and your aspirations are null. He permits himself into acting this way because coming from a Middle Eastern society, women are desperately looking for their future husband based on these above mentioned points which, praise the Lord, you two have, so be merry and shut up. He abuses you emotionally. After a few months and many given chances you both give up. It just isn’t meant to be, pen & paper aside.

ps: It is a shame but it goes without saying, don’t settle for the one that will make your family and community happy. Go for the one that make YOU happy.

5- The Cheater.

He lacks self confidence. He has an emotional instability that dates back to his family dynamics. Oedipus’s complex much? Add to that; He is the player that suddenly turned saint when he met you. He wants to marry you. Shows you his materialistic accomplishments and offers you security. He takes you out and shows you off to everyone. You feel like a Queen. No you are the Queen. Now you peasants can become jealous. But we left out one thing here; the joke’s on you. You are a victim of his manipulative behavior. You are just a number, the xx-enth victim of his mind games. His goal? Well nothing at all. Life is a game for him. Get out of the field.

ps: He is a baller. And like that he is going to bounce in and out of your life if you permit it. Move on already and thank your prayers he’s on to his next victim.

 

It’s sad to know that there are many other types of relationships in which women fell and fought hard to keep for the wrong reasons.

Yes we have loved such men, and yes we imagined our future with them. However, I believe that God played a big role in teaching us lessons from such union and set us back to life in order to know whom to wait for.

Have you found your other half yet?

Trust me, you will…

xo

To My Exes…

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DisclaimerWith all due respect to my ex- boyfriends, the feelings that I share in the following post are regretfully true. 

Last week, I realized something very important. I, Patyl, have never ever truly felt Love. The love that I am talking about is the love shared between a couple, not the one that you feel toward your parent or your pet.

First of all, what is love? Love is a feeling that you share towards a person regardless if it is returned or not. You feel compassion, infatuation and a desire to become intimate with the subject of your love. If we define love this way than we all have felt this feeling more than one time in our life. After many failing relationships, I came to notice that love is not only about the above mentioned feeling. Love is greater and more complex. Love has many definitions and it all depends on the person’s interpretation of it towards his partner. That is how I came to the conclusion that I never experienced love before.

Many married couple have told me that love fades away after a few years of marriage. I did not want to believe this statement because for me it is unquestionable that the man that I am going to marry will eventually stop loving me one day or I for him. I still believe this statement to be absurd. Love does not diminish nor disappear with time. You (and you partner) make love work and you make the love sparkle. Marriage is hard work I get that, but marriage is what most of us women have dreamt of since childhood. Each and every one of us dreamt and believed in our prince and we found him and married him. However not every one of us have been blessed with common sense and brains to live within the boundaries of a successful happy marriage. Yes I am not married yet but I see how married couple tackle their daily routine.

I came to the following conclusion :

Those who are disappointed by their marriage are the ones who did not think it through seriously. They either rushed into it based on love only or believed that it is the same thing as being boyfriend/ girlfriend but with an official signed paper and living under one roof. Those are the ones that once married do not believe in making an effort towards maintaining the happiness of their partner. Those are the ones that have lingering eyes towards the opposite sex and envy towards their single friends. And most importantly, those are the ones that will start having extra marital affairs hidden from their spouse.

On the other hand, there are married couples who are still happy together and much in love after a 5+ years of married life. I can see through their social media account, through their posts and pictures that the love has not died away even with the presence of their kids. The secret behind this kind of marriage? Well if you ask me its the mutual respect and trust that is shared between the spouses. First of all, both have shared a couple of years in a relationship before tying the knot. And both dived heads on in this sacred institution fully aware of the ups and downs, vowing to one another that their story will mostly be composed of ups. I respect these people the most and place them as my role model when embarking in life as a married woman.

When I said at the beginning that I have never really loved any of the men I met in my life I based it on the fact that I would have never been able to pull off a married life with any one of them. Hence proving to myself that I never truly loved. To love someone truly, deeply, madly is to first of all compromise, respect and trust blindly and fully one another. Yes I am guilty I never felt that towards any one of you (even to the couple of ones I blurted love yous in the past). To add salt over injury, I don’t think that any of you would have even made me a happy woman on the long run.

Love is not complex. It is a state of mind. I love Love. But I have never Loved You!!!

xo

 

Men- Commitment- Relationships.

Disclaimer: I am writing to you this post baring in mind that I am not generalizing the male gender, yet we can all agree that more than half of them behave one way or another. 

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First of all, I want to clarify that I can not be more than happy when an old flame, an ex-boyfriend or a crush finds his soul mate and commits to a serious relationship with her. Truly, I am happy for him. I believe that if we were meant to be, we would’ve worked out at some point over time, but we did not and someone is out there to become my life long partner.

In our lifetime, we have come to accept that the normal path to take is to be in a monogamous relationship, that eventually will lead to marriage and the beginning of a family with one or more offspring. Totally normal, right? right!

I believe that any relationship should be, foremost, based on mutual trust and honest communication between both parties. Of course, what first attracted these two people is physicality. We are humans and what is appealing interests us. One conversation, or one date, can set the beginning or the halt of a future relationship. That feeling of Love develops. A beautiful thing to experience I am said. My tone may reflect that I have not experienced love and I thought I had but it is lately that I have come to term that I did not fully live that emotion maturely. Most married couple will assure me that love fades away after the years. I can not agree nor disagree with that statement since I have not been married yet but I will have to shed a light on the roots of such statement.

I have witnessed that many of the married couple (and those is a serious relationship for more that two years) grow apart after sometime. They take their situation for granted and let themselves go. They do not put the same amount of effort they used to when at the start of their relationship and blame one another for any differences. Compromise is no longer part of their vocabulary. How did that simple important fact disappear in thin air? What ensues is the lingering eyes of men towards the rest of the single female population.

Social media interaction has and still plays an important part in pursuing a love interest outside the confines of a steady relationship. A simple hello from a past love triggers question marks. I am sure you agree with me when I say that a re-connection from ‘in a relationship’ men is not as innocent as they try to portray. In my opinion, it is best to cut short this sudden caring concern catch- up session as early as detected. Personally, I feel sorry for that person’s girlfriend and thank God I am not in her shoes. Married men behaving this way ( whether he is my friend or not) just disgust me. An ex- boyfriend you ask me? Well I am grateful not to have been legally bound to him.

Men, if you are not happy in your current situation, which you are not since you are taking the time and effort to establish a connection with the rest of us, one solution comes to my mind; switch to single hood. That way, you are not being the hypocrite you are towards your other half and mostly to yourself. As for those who are bound by marriage, I would direct your attention to the many ‘hoes’ out there that are gladly happy to welcome you in their lives (and beds) with no question asked.

Most of the single women I know have not completely given up on love and marriage. And all of them respect themselves so as not to be entangled in a triangular love nest. Now there are surely those who take upon themselves a challenge to snatch you away from your woman but I won’t get into that debacle. If you find yourself suddenly in love and cannot go on without that person in your life than better break off your current situation for the new one. Girls whoever, do not forget one important fact; Once a cheater, always a cheater!

Ideally speaking it is a known fact that most of the successful relationships’ root is an established friendship. I am not saying that everyone should marry off his/ her best friend but one should ponder on the fact that ‘we were friends who developed mutual feelings outside our capacity’.

How many of you can assuringly tell me that you would blindly commit to your other half and make things work?

Many of us, single women, do not linger on our past relationships because we know that we were not fully happy and ready to commit to that person for the rest of our lives. Yes I said it once more. Those failed relationships made us the person we are today and paved the way to know what we want in life and from our future partner and most importantly how to handle a given situation.

I know that ‘I would bleed my self dry’ (Coldplay- Yellow) for my man and he would do the same to me.

XO

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