What I learnt from Beirut in between my relocation: (drops mic..)

As you may recall, last year I travelled back to Canada in order to get a feel of the country that was going to adopt me a second time round.  After three months of stress-free bliss and peace of mind, I went back to Beirut, determined and eager to pack my bags and move out. Little did I know that i’ll be stuck another ten months before setting foot in Toronto again.

Beirut, the city that everyone is in awe with. The city at which expats reminisce their good old days.

Beirut, the city everyone longs to visit for the wrong reasons and any Lebanese living abroad thinks would come to the glorious state they left it behind.

Beirut, the city that turned open minded adults into bigots and sank most of them to their lowest level in order to survive among the majority of the liars & cheats.

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Who runs Lebanon? The liar, the cheater, the whore & the money launderer.

Who succeeds in Lebanon? The hypocrite, the mistress and the corrupt.

Who suffers from the above mentioned? The law abiding citizen & the one who fears God only.

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I faced all the above mentioned entities my entire adult life in Lebanon, however within the bracket-ed ten months in & out Lebanon, I felt a level of frustration towards society itself that compelled me to share it with you all. Hell, I am NOT going to be seeing any of you soon (nor ever, even when i’ll be obliged to come for a visit) top to that, the whole society that is slowly sinking itself to its own expiration, I wish you hit rock bottom quickly.

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Ten months in Lebanon made me realize how much people changed. Maybe it’s the fact that I was surrounded by genuine people and a helping community back in Toronto, that its lack in Beirut shocked me even further.

Let me develop my point in this order:

About the prospect of work >> Do you know how many times I heard people wanting to genuinely help me ground myself in Beirut by promising me introductory meetings with X & Y for a job, a freelance project? And I will leave you guessing at how many of those people followed up on their promises. If I wanted to re-enter the corporate world I would have done it easily. I have the qualifications and I know the right people within that sector.  But setting foot in the tight knit world of blogosphere? Thankfully, I soon realized that I did not want to be part of a virtually pathetic hypocritical circle whatsoever when I can write and voice my thoughts far away from the influencers and their blind minions. I am more than happy to interact with people that relate to my content and me as a person. You don’t like what I am saying just now? Please go and Instagram caption your whiny remarks. I just love seeing people adopt two different personalities, one for the real world and one for the virtual one, different from each other as black & white. The virtual world in Lebanon? A pathetic scene in which every influencer badmouths the other yet comments lovey dovey remarks under each others picture.  Alas this world is attracting the next generation of 13 year olds (I do not want to imagine the future of such society..).

Let’s proceed.

How about liberal workers >> Lawyers, doctors and contract workers have stooped to a despicable level. You want to reach an agreement with one or close a deal with the other, then you will need to lie and make promises up to your teeth to reach a quarter of your (legal) demands and come out a sore (loser) winner. And then everyone wonders why court dates take decades to be resolved and infrastructural projects years to finish. Where are the workers that used to put their conscience first and ahead of their selfish gains? None existent. Dead. Literally.

Now my favorite >> Friends. Let’s just say that I no longer trust anyone I felt at some point in time close to and friendly with. You see, some people might think that because I am quiet I do not realize that I am being conned out of something and/or into something (depending on the situation). But I do realize the unfairness of being used out of my kindness. And I shut up. Why? Because I am better than that; that being fighting in settling a fair friendship with anyone that is not worth my time and kindness. Anymore.

No wait this is my favorite >> your ex want to become a part of that life of yours. Haha! Now that’s a funny turn of events. After being broken up for 5-7 years, the ex return with force trying to sweep you off your feet. Seriously? I am going to give up my future in a decent powerful country to stay in Lebanon and end up marrying you for all the wrong reasons that I can think of? I am not even going to answer that…. 

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Seriously, look around you, who is happy and living la Dolce Vita in Lebanon?

The lying and conniving businessmen (mind you, we have no clue what import/export or business consultant implies here…) and his possy

The dolled up thirty year old who is the proud owner of the latest Range Rover and condo in the downtown area (Mmmm..)

The proud mama smiling and obliging to everyone at face value yet bickering at those same persons behind their backs

The peoples’ pet  who trot their behind everywhere trying to please just anyone so as to be included in some sort of superficial circle and claim they made it (doing what? I think they themselves never figured that one out)

Those who put themselves first and the rest (every single person they know) later

and every single fearless Godless cheat in the city.

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How about us law-abiding respectful citizens of Lebanon?

We are scattered worldwide making a life for ourselves in a country that respects its citizens and a society that embraces and puts one another at a pedestal we would have never imagined coming from our closest friends back home. 

We have crossed out Lebanon from our mind and heart, its corruption, its people and the jungle way of doing things because being successful without crossing a dark passage leads 3/4 of the time to failure.

We succeed without our last name, our family ties and monetary influences. And most importantly we succeed and are recognized for our own merit not bedroom escapades.

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You can raise hell and object to every single thing I mentioned above, but deep inside you know that I am right. What I just wrote is thought by almost everyone, except you, living in La la land, I mean Lebanon.

Tough Luck with that!

Cya

ps: my deepest and outmost respect to the couple of people still believing in their Lebanon and striving against all odds to make it through bad and badder. Respect to you and keep on writing and voicing yourself (for your countrymen).

Being an Introvert; a blessing or a curse?

Well to be honest that is somehow a difficult question to answer to.

You see I am an introvert, yet sometimes, regarding the situation I find myself in, I feel I am open to others.

However deep down, I carry the introvert flag (loud & proud).

Is being an introvert a blessing or a curse? In total honesty, it is both.

What is an introvert? According to our faithful search engine, google, an introvert is “a person that tends to turn inward mentally. A person that avoids large group of people, feeling more energized by time alone”.

Guilty as charged.

In short, the days that I go MIA, are the days that I am on a me-time spree #MeMyselfandI and you should all respect that and not judge (especially something that you are not fully acquainted about).

 

What are the blessings tagged to an introvert?

  • Keeping far away from drama >> picture yourself being far from girlfriends bickering, gossiping/bad mouthing, nagging about some nonsense or the other. Peaceful isn’t it? Why waste my breath on useless conversations I might add…
  • Focusing on Your Self >>mentally, spiritually and physically. Learning on being your own person and relying on yourself, because not everyone is going to be there for you, despite their assurances.
  • Developing your selfish/me-time hobbies >> reading, writing, drawing.
  • You become a professional in behavior analysis >> I know that I can easily decipher hidden messages, furtive glances and failed secret mimes between parties at a social gathering (because I watch behaviors rather than immerse myself into conversations).
  • You have a tight circle of friends >> quality over quantity and real over fake friends.
  • Let’s be direct, every social outing becomes appreciated and looked forward at.
  • You develop your personality traits a notch further >> I know I became stronger and determined thanks to my introvert-ness.

Routine bores me. By being an introvert, one would assume that all that me-time would drain me. Surprisingly, not at all. Being away from human interaction, empowers me to continue doing the things that make me happy. Isn’t it a known fact that most of the time one is unhappy by his interaction with other people. Deceit, jealousy are just simple examples of the point that I am trying to convey to you previously.

** Do take in account that I have the just number of friends that I do interact with, enjoy my time with and vice versa. I am not a hermit after all (with all due respect).

I just don’t like to waste my time within large groups of people and push myself  into useless conversations just because it is the norm to do so. I, specifically, hate being dragged to dinners parties knowing that more than half of the people there are talking superficialities. Why waste my breath I say, and tend to sip on my drink while analyzing the hidden glances between two people on the left corner of the room. I remember a few years back I was going out with this guy who when breaking up accused me of being anti social with his group of friends. Well if not talking to a bunch of late thirty year olds acting as teenagers working at their daddy’s company and laughing like a bunch of airheads is anti social, then be it. Oh yeah and let’s not forget the joint passing drama along the way. Haha? I kid not!

**Most of the time my analysis of the situation, without being part of the circle of people and part of the conversation, tends to be 100% accurate. Watch out!!

 

Now, is being an introvert a curse?

  • Acquaintances will no longer include you in their plans >> a blessing in disguise really (said the introvert in me!)
  • Awkwardness when attending obligated social events >> sip on those cocktails and time will fly (said the introvert in me, again!)
  • If you are not a 100% introvert, you will be labelled as one despite your claims on the contrary >> you will spend your time trying to convince and prove them wrong (now that is a pain!!)
  • You might lose interesting job opportunities that require some social interaction (because as mentioned above, they are labelling you, misunderstanding your whole trait…I mean come on I used to be a customer representative at a bank, now would I have been able to manage that position if I were a 100% introvert?)
  • You will feel an unspoken pressure,of constantly being misunderstood because of your characteristic.

 

To be completely honest with you, being extreme about everything is bad. Am I an introvert? Yes I am. I enjoy myself, my person, more than I do anyone else? Again, yes I do. Say what you like, think what you like, but I know that’s a logical thing to feel (although a lot of you won’t admit because Awkward!!)

With time passing by and circumstances changing (worldwide), more and more people are becoming hypocritical of one another (especially behind their backs) and fighting for their survival (even if it means crashing their friend on their way to success).

I am an introvert with a set group of friends (who shrunk even further after I left Lebanon). I enjoy going out whenever I want to, meet new and genuine people in interesting settings / parties, and I am in no obligation of defining and proving my extrovert-ness to anyone’s peace of mind.

You like my company? Tag along.

You don’t? What a bliss (says the introvert in me, again & again & again!!!)

xo

**My next post is going to be about what I LEARNT from being in Lebanon 10months in between my relocation to Canada. Stay Alert!!