NEWLYWEDS; Stop hating the game. Hate the player instead – aka You.

Lately, it has come to my attention that, apart from the alarming rise of the divorce rate, newlyweds are spreading hatred towards the institution of marriage.

Rather than admitting their failure in comprehending the difference between the notion of a wedding and that of a marriage, they are complaining about their marital ‘bliss’ and advising their friends not to venture in these ‘damned’ waters.

When I hear the demise of X & Y, less than a year into marriage, I no longer feel sadness nor try to become that shoulder to cry on. No I am not a bad friend, I am a patient friend who has become sick and tired of grown ups messing up their future and saddling their way into marriage less than a year from dating their ‘soul mate’.

Do you know what marriage is? Clearly not, since you are fantasizing about your separation and freedom less than six months into playing house with your wife/husband.

Marriage is sacred especially when you have taken oath in the House of God to be united with that woman/man standing next to you, through sickness and health, till death do you apart.

Clearly I have not jumped into that bandwagon because so far I never felt I would stick to that statement forever with the men I dated. And yes I got a few proposals that led to the end the relationship because I did not want to stand where you are right now, sad, tearful and trying to make my best friend feel sorry about my rushed decision (add to that the cause of my detachment from my friends altogether a month after our honeymoon).

Stop with the bullshit and assume your responsibilities. Admit that you rushed heads on into marrying X because at age 30+ you panicked you would end up an old spinster.

My God, already thinking of your demise at an early age, an old spinster. Let me LOL.

The worse for us friends, best friends, is that we see you rushing into this union yet can’t bring ourselves to give our honest opinion because we are already being labeled as the jealous friend. Hence we shut up, have an amazing time at your wedding party and pray that it all works out in the future.

Who am I kidding! We know sooner than later we are going to be hearing all about his/her dirty laundry (yes sometimes literally).

You know what kills me?

Most of you have seen this scenario happen to your friends & acquaintances, vowed not to be that stupid yet turned out to be the biggest fool of them all.

You know what I want to do aside from punching you right in the face when you come all beaten up and resigned about life?

I want to tell you the following;

You are a grown up woman, assume your responsibilities and let us be.

Stop bickering, stop turning something beautiful and blessed as a marriage into a hellhole you want to crawl out from.

You dug your own grave, sleep in it.

He turned up to be another person? No shit!! How can you even think that you have known him fully, merely a year from meeting him. Most of the time, parents have trouble recognizing their children well into their adulthood.

I don’t love him? I am not surprised! Girl friend, here’s a newsflash; you never were. You were infatuated with the whole tying the knot concept.

Blame your sudden mood change on your unhappy marriage? No, no and no. I am not going to accept such lame excuses. You are 30, differentiate and decide on a pattern of behavior once and for all and assume your responsibilities. You’re a woman now!

Coercing me into hating your ‘other half’? I don’t know him/her really well so I cannot take your word against him/her (especially after this fiasco).There are two sides of a story, let me hear his/hers and then decide. No wait, on second thought, I don’t want to become your marriage counselor. Sod off.

You want me to blame society now, don’t ya?

Nah! I am not going to blame society, because contrary to general opinion, no one slapped you on your hands and coerced you into saying I do in front of 250+ guests. Nope. Last time I checked, you were mature and vaccine, so was he/she.

Why am I writing about this topic now? Because I have had it with married friends busting my balls with their failed marriage. I am fed up with people who misunderstood the whole concept of marriage, trying to convince me of not taking the next step (just because their marriage went down the drain a couple of months after their wedding).

But most importantly I am fed up from those people victimizing themselves and making us feel sorry about them.

Fucking Grow Up already.

Trolls.

Off. You. Go.

Ps: do I even have to write about those who rushed into having baby #1 ?

No no and no…. a baby is not an object to make your marriage better. Do you know how many times I have heard about “I am into this for my son/daughter”, “I don’t care anymore, I have my baby now”. A baby should come into a caring and united family. A healthy family. A baby is Not the glue to stick the broken glasses back together. It never did. It only will make things uglier. Especially in the future.

I’m going to stop here. I have nothing to add.

Marriage is something I am looking forward to but not hastily and for the wrong reasons.

Hope you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday with your family and a good week to you all

xo

 

Exes; those that cant be tamed.

disclaimer: Remember that ex you couldn’t live without? Well look at you, living and shit!!

Ex, is a word we are all too familiar with because, yeah, we all have a minimum of one in our drawer (if you don’t have an ex, then girl, have you been living under a rock?). Kitchen Drawer? Closet? Cabinet? Hell any restrained rectangular shaped space would do, as long as it doesn’t open by mistake (that cabinet holding all those old tupperware would do). So within these space you would toss an ex or two and try never to slide the door open, and if, God forbid, those damn sized tups’ burst the door open, shut it back firmly and tightly. You do not need an old junk when you have collected new gadgets in the cabinet next door. Why am I comparing exes to in-animated object? Well do I need to remind you what they talk behind our back to their home boys? Guess not, so tups they shall remain. And between us, sometimes they do deserve that adjective…

So I am writing about this topic because as a woman I relate to those who are weak when their ex tries to catch up with them out of the blue on a Tuesday afternoon, season being winter at best (you know in winter everyone is relatively in a hibernating mode and seeks his selfish comfort). I am reaching out to those women who are in doubt of themselves when an ex pops back in the picture. I am reaching to the women who I am warning not to cave back in. I admit and its human nature, I caved in and so did you. And we most probably learnt our lesson I know I did. 110%.

A decade ago we would have given our bone marrow to our partner. A decade ago, we were ready to be tied down and faithful to his (sorry) ass. We were patient and caring to his mood swings and depressive state of mind. We were taking care of his every whim. We put our 200% into the relationship only to be given the boot because he was not ready to settle down. Picket fences and all that shebang. We grabbed our hearts in our own hands, a few teardrops here and there for a couple of weeks and we moved on. Apparently, men (boys, to be more precise) do not move on as easily as we thought they did. When he came back, we gave him the benefit of doubt and rekindled the relation. Only to have the same problems resurface and ended with another break up in our hands. Not the fairy tale wedding we were imagining, nope. Flash forward ten years, give or take, and you have EX trying to infiltrate your life again. Apparently you turned out to be the one who actually did M.O.V.E  O.N. and you’re happy and you know it (clap your hands!!!). Ok, sorry I’m being too merry about this, I just felt like tuning, its the season to be jolly, lalalala you know!! (ok apparently you don’t, i’ll stop).

When a person becomes an EX, that word not just labels him, it defines the boundaries and sets the tone for any further relationship. An EX is a person that was once close to your heart. A person you shared everything with baring in mind of a possible future together. However, the WE became EX and your roads diverged. For the better, trust me. When an ex pops back and tries to cave you back in, try not to remember the good things. Remember the bad things. Remember why things never worked out. Remember the tears. Remember the broken promises. Remember the lies. Remember the drama. Do not set yourself good enough for the promises. Do not be content with his just words. Do not fall for the petty act. Do not fall again because of your pure heart. Do not fall because you think that he is the only one out there for you. Do not fall for the comfort of the relationship. Do not fall back into his comfort zone. Do not fall back because you are scared of any future uncertainties. Do not fall back into his arms because of the society’s pressure. NO!! You deserve better. No. You deserve the best. And the best is not hidden in that EX. It is hidden in your future. And that kind of future awaits you. That kind of Love is out there. Do not settle for less. Trust me (again).

There is a french saying that goes like this “Chasse le Naturel, Il retourne au galop” (shoo away human nature, it comes back naturally)and that is what happens slowly yet surely.

Now let’s toast to those who put their clingy exes in the in-animated tupperware closet and drink a couple of bubbly to the every woman in us!

Chin (up) chin (up)!

xo