You fell in Love with… Thank God it’s Over!

It’s true, before ending with our prince charming we all have kissed a few frogs and those who say they haven’t, well they are lying!

In this blogpost, I decided to share with you a few of the typical men you will one day fall in love with. You will not only regret them, but look back at and laugh at how gullible you were to fight for their love.

By all means, this is not an autobiography. Apart from a few hands-on experiences, it is mostly friends and acquaintance’s stories.

1- The Fuck Boy.

This is the number one asshole every girl will encounter and be manipulated by. Do not judge the girl. She is hopelessly looking for love and easily believing his promises of a future together. His aim is only to get into her pants.He will come up with several excuses when approached by the status of the relationship and take his distances once she starts being clingy. Surprise surprise, when he will eventually have a girlfriend and leave you in disbelief over that fact. But a fuck boy remains a fuck boy. Pray God that you came out of his grip not too harmed.

ps: He will contact you again after his break up. Don’t become one of those “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” quoters. Just move on (away) from him.

2- The Commitophobe (#wordbymoi).

This gentleman (because yeah he generates that vibe) will ask you for a date, take you out to dinner, drinks and integrate you within his circle of friends. You will play house after a few months of being together. It’s a no brainer, he is the One. You’ve already planned you engagement a year+ later but,Surprise! Surprise, he breaks up with you. He is not ready. He never promised you anything. It was all in your head. You think about it and your realize that he is saying the truth indeed. He never talked marriage.

ps: You weren’t his One and trust me no one is either for the few years to come. Thank God he booted you out before that one year turned to two or three, in vain.

3- The Bipolar.

I am not sure if the title fits for this one, let me know if you find a better word for the person I am going to describe next. Before you started being too serious, he was openminded, generous, welcoming and embracing of your friends. Once the relationship tumbled into serious mode (after a few months) he completely changed. He became jealous of your friends, those same ones he met and enjoyed a couple of drinks with. You kissed your girls night out goodbye instantly. Your wardrobe became too skimpy for his likes. He started patronizing you and mistook his role of bf to father figure. The relationship ended because you just couldn’t continue with this new version of X.

ps: In my opinion, get away as soon as those traits come out of your boyfriend. You do not need a 21st century version of Khomeini in your future.

4- The condescending One.

You will never understand how you came to be in a relationship with this one. On paper he is perfect; same background, same religion, class and status. Your parents mingle within the same circle and well know one another too. Eventually you succumbed after a couple of dates into becoming his gf. For the wrong reasons. The latter being too good on paper than anything else. He doesn’t acknowledge you as a person, as his second half, only as the future trophy wife. He feels at ease in disrespecting you and your aspirations are null. He permits himself into acting this way because coming from a Middle Eastern society, women are desperately looking for their future husband based on these above mentioned points which, praise the Lord, you two have, so be merry and shut up. He abuses you emotionally. After a few months and many given chances you both give up. It just isn’t meant to be, pen & paper aside.

ps: It is a shame but it goes without saying, don’t settle for the one that will make your family and community happy. Go for the one that make YOU happy.

5- The Cheater.

He lacks self confidence. He has an emotional instability that dates back to his family dynamics. Oedipus’s complex much? Add to that; He is the player that suddenly turned saint when he met you. He wants to marry you. Shows you his materialistic accomplishments and offers you security. He takes you out and shows you off to everyone. You feel like a Queen. No you are the Queen. Now you peasants can become jealous. But we left out one thing here; the joke’s on you. You are a victim of his manipulative behavior. You are just a number, the xx-enth victim of his mind games. His goal? Well nothing at all. Life is a game for him. Get out of the field.

ps: He is a baller. And like that he is going to bounce in and out of your life if you permit it. Move on already and thank your prayers he’s on to his next victim.

 

It’s sad to know that there are many other types of relationships in which women fell and fought hard to keep for the wrong reasons.

Yes we have loved such men, and yes we imagined our future with them. However, I believe that God played a big role in teaching us lessons from such union and set us back to life in order to know whom to wait for.

Have you found your other half yet?

Trust me, you will…

xo

Exes; those that cant be tamed.

disclaimer: Remember that ex you couldn’t live without? Well look at you, living and shit!!

Ex, is a word we are all too familiar with because, yeah, we all have a minimum of one in our drawer (if you don’t have an ex, then girl, have you been living under a rock?). Kitchen Drawer? Closet? Cabinet? Hell any restrained rectangular shaped space would do, as long as it doesn’t open by mistake (that cabinet holding all those old tupperware would do). So within these space you would toss an ex or two and try never to slide the door open, and if, God forbid, those damn sized tups’ burst the door open, shut it back firmly and tightly. You do not need an old junk when you have collected new gadgets in the cabinet next door. Why am I comparing exes to in-animated object? Well do I need to remind you what they talk behind our back to their home boys? Guess not, so tups they shall remain. And between us, sometimes they do deserve that adjective…

So I am writing about this topic because as a woman I relate to those who are weak when their ex tries to catch up with them out of the blue on a Tuesday afternoon, season being winter at best (you know in winter everyone is relatively in a hibernating mode and seeks his selfish comfort). I am reaching out to those women who are in doubt of themselves when an ex pops back in the picture. I am reaching to the women who I am warning not to cave back in. I admit and its human nature, I caved in and so did you. And we most probably learnt our lesson I know I did. 110%.

A decade ago we would have given our bone marrow to our partner. A decade ago, we were ready to be tied down and faithful to his (sorry) ass. We were patient and caring to his mood swings and depressive state of mind. We were taking care of his every whim. We put our 200% into the relationship only to be given the boot because he was not ready to settle down. Picket fences and all that shebang. We grabbed our hearts in our own hands, a few teardrops here and there for a couple of weeks and we moved on. Apparently, men (boys, to be more precise) do not move on as easily as we thought they did. When he came back, we gave him the benefit of doubt and rekindled the relation. Only to have the same problems resurface and ended with another break up in our hands. Not the fairy tale wedding we were imagining, nope. Flash forward ten years, give or take, and you have EX trying to infiltrate your life again. Apparently you turned out to be the one who actually did M.O.V.E  O.N. and you’re happy and you know it (clap your hands!!!). Ok, sorry I’m being too merry about this, I just felt like tuning, its the season to be jolly, lalalala you know!! (ok apparently you don’t, i’ll stop).

When a person becomes an EX, that word not just labels him, it defines the boundaries and sets the tone for any further relationship. An EX is a person that was once close to your heart. A person you shared everything with baring in mind of a possible future together. However, the WE became EX and your roads diverged. For the better, trust me. When an ex pops back and tries to cave you back in, try not to remember the good things. Remember the bad things. Remember why things never worked out. Remember the tears. Remember the broken promises. Remember the lies. Remember the drama. Do not set yourself good enough for the promises. Do not be content with his just words. Do not fall for the petty act. Do not fall again because of your pure heart. Do not fall because you think that he is the only one out there for you. Do not fall for the comfort of the relationship. Do not fall back into his comfort zone. Do not fall back because you are scared of any future uncertainties. Do not fall back into his arms because of the society’s pressure. NO!! You deserve better. No. You deserve the best. And the best is not hidden in that EX. It is hidden in your future. And that kind of future awaits you. That kind of Love is out there. Do not settle for less. Trust me (again).

There is a french saying that goes like this “Chasse le Naturel, Il retourne au galop” (shoo away human nature, it comes back naturally)and that is what happens slowly yet surely.

Now let’s toast to those who put their clingy exes in the in-animated tupperware closet and drink a couple of bubbly to the every woman in us!

Chin (up) chin (up)!

xo

 

 

Drunk Texting Anyone?

Whether we wanna admit it or not we all have drunk texted someone in the past. To those who do not wanna admit to this very normal inebriated behavior, here are a few of the drunk texts you might have received in your life time;

  • What’s up?

Generally you receive this type of two worded texts on any given weekend after the wee hours. Let’s say on a Saturday at 3.30 am. Surely you don’t expect me to believe that your ‘friend’ texted so as to inquire about your health. If he wanted to join you on your outing, trust me you would have received that text prior 10 at night.

  • From your ex?

This one is the best message you can receive especially after a bad breakup initiated by the gentleman in question. This can only mean that you are in his thoughts (yeah even if he is drunk). Don’t they say, truth comes out of a drunken tongue ? (or something like that!?)

  • Wrong messages?

It is only the day after that you dread holding your phone and going through the texts and calls of the night before. Apart from the above mentioned drunk texts sent and received you will notice that you might have sent a couple to strange numbers which to be honest I prefer to the incomprehensible ones to friends. Gh%!^~*BJK!!!!! right?!!!

  • Blanking ?

One of my favorite is ‘accidentally’ sending a blank text to your crush. Worse case scenario you can blame the phone for sending it by mistake. Damn you technology!!! (Just try to make sure when explaining face to face one day to not having your phone locked with a password!).

  • FB messenger too?

You have an infinite block list on your phone? So do I. But when there is a will, there is a way; Facebook messenger! Like Trump said it over and over again > What a mess!!! Let’s just say that I uninstalled that option from my phone. Trust me you do not wanna receive a drunk text when out and about, from someone who has noticed that he cannot reach you through proper phone channels (whatsapp, plain text messaging..).

There is no shame in drunk texting. We all did it. We might not have been proud about it but our sole excuse is that we learn from our mistakes. Drunk texting is an excuse when you are in your twenties. But when you have entered your mid 30s and still getting drunk on weekends and texting incomprehensibly then I can only manage to tell you this : You are a pathetic loser. Get a life boy!

Zzzzzzzzz……..

 

 

Lebanese Married Men; you disgust me.

What is wrong with Lebanese married men? Seriously if you cannot handle monogamy just don’t tie the knot, plain and simple.

Most of my friends & acquaintances are married for years now and I am happy for them. They respect their wives and have adorable cute little baby girls and boys. Facebook profile pictures are family picture perfect shots and captions under each post of family outings and date nights with their other half, lovey dovey (if you know what I mean). So let me elaborate what I am not getting and respect to the above mentioned guy friends (do not feel directed coz you are not).

When Facebook started we all added people left and right, right? especially those ‘friends’ we shared one class at university and never set a word to afterwards. This person (my bad) stayed on your friends list because you thought he was harmless and since was on a dormant status online you forgot he was even there in the first place.. until he tied the knot and it was a nonstop online fiesta of pictures and statuses.

Well I share your happiness for the simple fact that I know you thought you were never gonna get married, especially not to a gorgeous woman. Yeah you got her, made your nerdy friends jealous, established the perfect little family and now after ten years you are bored. Well let me tell you something; BOUHOU! You are bored? get a puppy! Do not think that inbox-ing your female friends on Facebook asking for coffee and catching up whenever you are back in town solo is gonna make us drop everything and run to you. Let me be straight; its not because you have gotten yourself a wife, that your failed macho behavior (from the back old days) is gonna work its magic now! She fell for it but I’ll tell you I never did nor will now that you are carrying a ring on your left finger. Respect that piece of jewel you have gotten yourself and choo.

Why do men stoop to this level? I think I got myself an idea why.

First of all, these are the boys from the past who never caught any girls attention. why? because am sure they used to pick and be all mean (like little boys are at school) when they got interested in a girl.

Second of all, they grew into men with a lack of everything likable to attract any decent woman in their teenage/university lives. They relied on materialistic objects to impose a self importance air on their entourage, for example Mo and his Ferrari. Mo will be associated with his car and trust me when I say he will always be womanless due to his attitude (am not counting gold diggers).

And Last, they will marry off the good girl from the well established family (same village, religion… you know the riddle by now).

Its the lack of dating & mingling with the opposite sex that has led most of the Lebanese married men to knock (poke here) on their female friends Facebook profile for a get together.  You think I am exaggerating? I think I am matured and experienced enough to know who is knocking on my door for a genuine friendly get together and who has a hidden agenda.

Lebanese Married Men two words for you; sod off!

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Blind Date? No thanks!!!

 

Disclaimer:  Some Age. Yet FEW  Mature. 

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Why am I still single? because I vowed to myself that I am not going to waste my time entering relationships whereabout the other person does not meet my expectation fully, hence exiting the relationship after a few months.

My expectations? not so far fetched. Physically appealing (yes the physical part is important to us women as much as it is to you testosterone human beings!) yet most importantly fun, easy out going sociable man. I am not going to mention that your other half should at least be from the same social background as yourself, because lets face it, we have been brought up a certain way for 3o years, give or take, and its not within a couple of years into a relationship we are going to compromise drastically for the sake of love. I know I have wasted many years compromising. Where did that lead me to? Broken promises and broken hearts and back to square one. However stronger and visually & mentally aware whom to wait and invest my time and emotions in.

How to meet men and bump into the one? Well i believe that when the time comes it will happen. I am not the type of girl who goes out of her way to look for prince charming. I believe that he is near yet awaiting the right moment to be thrown into your path. He might be your friend and you don’t know it yet. Blind dates? Oh God no! I never have been fond of the fixing up situation among friends, let alone when family members meddle in. I so feel sorry for my girlfriends who still give it a try going on blind dates, set up by some aunt or cousin. Prepare yourself for the following shocking revelation; I accepted to meet someone through a friend of mine! Of all people, yes me! Me who goes against all these societal guidelines, I said yes and went to meet someone. Oh how I should have stuck to my initial viewpoint on the subject matter.

First and foremost, logically speaking, why would a man ask for a third party to set him up with a girl? I mean can’t you meet someone on your own? aren’t you the man? “el ossa kella?” the Lebanese way.

Have you ever had that feeling upon meeting someone for the first time, you want to dig your head in dirt like an ostrich and ran away? Thats what I felt for an hour before heading back home.

You know that feeling when you just don’t click and would never click with a person because from the first exchanged eye contact, you put the pieces of the puzzle together and figured out why this person is not in a relationship?

You know those men who know each and every person in the club,whom you see standing with a drink in one hand, scanning the scene, setting their eyes on every single siliconed- toned up gold digging whores around, yet going back home alone?

Those men that will always be seen by the above mentioned bimbos as friends, a brother and nohing more.

Those men that want to settle in the end with the good girl expecting her to have the same out going physics and personality yet when expectations fail reality, will go out of their way to cheat on you. coz yeah as we have all noticed, nowadays going out with a married man is the trend among our desperate Lebanese women. Losers even stand the chance of fulfilling their fantasies.

To those men, please refrain from acting all misunderstood and not finding the right one. Labeling women in general as airheads while your standards only level up to much is your fault and not ours. Do refrain from asking your girl friends to hook you up with whomever they can think of while you are still struggling in fulfilling your dirty Pamela Anderesque fantasy.

Piece of advice; tap as much ass as you can before wanting to settle. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Go. Let it all out!!!

 

ps: As for me, my ideal man? my ex-boyfriend’s close friend. Yeah I know, life is a bitch… oh well, the cool part is that he is so much fun and outgoing that he will be finding me his copy and paste it onto my lap one day! :p xo

To My Exes…

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DisclaimerWith all due respect to my ex- boyfriends, the feelings that I share in the following post are regretfully true. 

Last week, I realized something very important. I, Patyl, have never ever truly felt Love. The love that I am talking about is the love shared between a couple, not the one that you feel toward your parent or your pet.

First of all, what is love? Love is a feeling that you share towards a person regardless if it is returned or not. You feel compassion, infatuation and a desire to become intimate with the subject of your love. If we define love this way than we all have felt this feeling more than one time in our life. After many failing relationships, I came to notice that love is not only about the above mentioned feeling. Love is greater and more complex. Love has many definitions and it all depends on the person’s interpretation of it towards his partner. That is how I came to the conclusion that I never experienced love before.

Many married couple have told me that love fades away after a few years of marriage. I did not want to believe this statement because for me it is unquestionable that the man that I am going to marry will eventually stop loving me one day or I for him. I still believe this statement to be absurd. Love does not diminish nor disappear with time. You (and you partner) make love work and you make the love sparkle. Marriage is hard work I get that, but marriage is what most of us women have dreamt of since childhood. Each and every one of us dreamt and believed in our prince and we found him and married him. However not every one of us have been blessed with common sense and brains to live within the boundaries of a successful happy marriage. Yes I am not married yet but I see how married couple tackle their daily routine.

I came to the following conclusion :

Those who are disappointed by their marriage are the ones who did not think it through seriously. They either rushed into it based on love only or believed that it is the same thing as being boyfriend/ girlfriend but with an official signed paper and living under one roof. Those are the ones that once married do not believe in making an effort towards maintaining the happiness of their partner. Those are the ones that have lingering eyes towards the opposite sex and envy towards their single friends. And most importantly, those are the ones that will start having extra marital affairs hidden from their spouse.

On the other hand, there are married couples who are still happy together and much in love after a 5+ years of married life. I can see through their social media account, through their posts and pictures that the love has not died away even with the presence of their kids. The secret behind this kind of marriage? Well if you ask me its the mutual respect and trust that is shared between the spouses. First of all, both have shared a couple of years in a relationship before tying the knot. And both dived heads on in this sacred institution fully aware of the ups and downs, vowing to one another that their story will mostly be composed of ups. I respect these people the most and place them as my role model when embarking in life as a married woman.

When I said at the beginning that I have never really loved any of the men I met in my life I based it on the fact that I would have never been able to pull off a married life with any one of them. Hence proving to myself that I never truly loved. To love someone truly, deeply, madly is to first of all compromise, respect and trust blindly and fully one another. Yes I am guilty I never felt that towards any one of you (even to the couple of ones I blurted love yous in the past). To add salt over injury, I don’t think that any of you would have even made me a happy woman on the long run.

Love is not complex. It is a state of mind. I love Love. But I have never Loved You!!!

xo

 

Simply; Men to avoid…Again

Disclaimer: The following is not for the light hearted nor those who live in their fantasy world. The following is not for the hypocrite nor the shallow submissive. The following is to all those who are aware of the stereotypical lebanese men out there, those who have been in a similar situation/ relationship. Most importantly, the following is to spread awareness and open the eye of women out there looking desperately for a relationship. The following is the No-No of all union. (Part two)

 

As promised, here is my second part of men to avoid. If you have read part one and liked it (even related to it) than you will like this second part as much. I am sorry if many men are reading this post and nodding sideways and even grunting it as absurd. Those men are out there and even if you do not relate to it (unlikely that is) I am certain deep inside you have come close to one or two specimens of a kind (look at your buddies closely next time). With luck (though my hopes are not that high) you might guide them to discontinue this kind of behavior and bring to the ladies out there some minimal hope in the dating process. As for you ladies, let me introduce to you a few more men to avoid in the course of your lives!

 

Matt; the famous Bachelor.

It took Georges Clooney more or less thirty years to pop the question (again). Hence, there you go ladies, you met Matt. Finally, either you attracted his attention in the club or a common friend introduced you to him out of courtesy (well he was standing there, he/she had to). You fell for his charm, for his “je m’en foutisme” (carelessness of the world), and his lively attitude to living each day to the fullest with no care of the consequences on others/aspects of life (except his personal egotistical happiness). He has told you he is not into relationships and is not ready to commit to one person (yet!). However, as we all know, women do not take into consideration these stated facts, i mean who does not want in the end be with someone, be taken care of, cuddles, loved…? Well Matt. However, he will flirt with you, take you out to dinners, even include you into his social circle of friends who rather un-shockingly party a lot and get wasted every weekend. Sounds like lots of fun! With time, you consider yourself Matt’s girlfriend, I mean yeah you have been together socially, texting privately, and your conversation have gone a bit overboard with some Q&A about important future plans. However, what you really are, is being viewed as Matt’s companion for the time being, before,naturally, you start raising commitment restraints and there goes Matt out of your life as quickly as he came in. Ladies, Matt was upfront from the start, why would you want to attach yourself to the constant Bachelor? If you listened to your girlfriends, you would not have reached this heartbreaking point. It could have been avoided. Next time you meet a Matt, think with your head (listen to those girlfriends) and do not challenge yourself with breaking the bachelor status. He, and only he will break that status.

 

Jack; the social media Guru.

“You have a new message. Jack Kay wants to be your friend on Facebook. Do you know Jack?” “Nope I do not know Jack, however he looks cute, why not!” “Jack Kay is now friends, how do you know Jack Kay?” Aha! There it is again, that question. Even social media is trying to persuade you/remind you why would you want to add someone, a stranger to your list, hence sharing all your personal life with. Jack might be a socially challenged guy who can only dare approach a girl through a computer or he might be a player “hunting for new birds” online while the immediate market at reach got saturated. Let us take the first case. If it were true, why would you want to hang around and date a person who is socially awkward, maybe even shy, and certainly with not enough friends to hang with? He might be a sweetheart but in the end, you are being with someone who, am sure of, lives in a digital world and forgot what the real means of communication are between two people. Are you dating a person or a computer version of one? As in the second case, needless to say,he will turn out to be an eternal bachelor who got lucky in grabbing your attention with his flirty words and wine&dine manners. Ladies do not add randomly people into your personal circles online. Trust me, you are not the only one out there being added by the Jacks of the world. As he sent you the request, he send it to another few. His luck favored him as you accepted his friendship (virtually) and set to meet him face to face after an extensive conversation about life’s beauty and everything oh-so pretty. Let’s do this one more time;”You have a new message. Jack Kay wants to be your friend on Facebook. Do you know Jack?” ” “No i do not know this weirdo. Why would he want to be friends with me? Delete!” Thatta Girl!

 

Simon; The EX.

And once again the saga continues. Simon is a great guy, he really is. You two were together for a few months and broke it off. Clearly it was not working and it was mutual but shockingly abrupt. You forgot about Simon and as the years went by, you both met and went with different kinds of people. However, out of the blue, Simon is back. And he is back with a plan. Simon has changed (he claims) and he wants to try again. He is a smooth talker and talks his way into your life one more time. You try again. However after a few more months you two break up again. Now let me quote something I found online a long time ago, “All discarded lovers should be given a second chance but with somebody else” (Mae West). Voila! I know we are vulnerable, although we show the world that we are strong and in control. But when we face an ex, we tend to forget the real reasons behind the break up and, even if we do, we tend to shrug it off and give that second, third chance. Ladies, ladies, ladies, i know he said that he changed. But technically it is hard for men (or even women) to change who they really are, do not get me wrong, its our personality, we were brought up that way or shaped that way. Now it is great news to hear an old relationship rekindled and walked down the aisle. But trust me lucky are those few. Not the rest. An ex is an ex for a reason and never never forget or dismiss that reason in the deep back end of your head. Bye Simon and best wishes with your love life.

 

You want a real man? Go out there and meet him. Mingle, have drinks, go out to dinners. However choose wisely. Relationships nowadays are complicated. You never know if you are dating him or have become exclusive. Not to forget, we are no longer 15 year olds who were asked to become someone’s girlfriend. Nowadays, everything is unsaid which for some (men) is perfect since if anything goes sour, they would look at you oblivion at your rant of exclusivity. Your next boyfriend should not be picked from the world wide web (yeah old fashioned terminology i know haha!) nor from the bachelors’ crowd.

“EX? who dare mentioned the word EX?” “Ah ok you meant you X on all those types of men i mentioned in part one and two! i am proud of you, you are a fast learner!!! 😉

Sweet Dreams My loves xo