What YOU should NEVER take for granted.

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Embrace Day 1 of 2017. My first blogpost of the year.

Happy New Year everyone! I wished for each and every one of you a pleasant evening surrounded with your loved ones (did you keep the champagne pouring?). I wish you all an amazing year ahead. I know most of you are excited and anticipating what 2017 may be holding for you. Hopefully everything beautiful and positive.

For my first post of the year, I decided to share with you a few of the things that I unfortunately took for granted, only to have them come bit my ass when I least expected it. I am fully aware that many of you are familiar with the notions that I am going to enumerate, still it’s good to refresh one’s memory especially at the start of the year. Remember never let your guard down.

Friends; 

And I, by no means, mean friends in general, nor acquaintances. I mean your best friend, or to some who would prefer not to label the relationship, the ones you see almost everyday, the ones you are constantly on Whatsapp with (yeah calling is no longer IN), the ones you tag, mention and send screenshot(ted) conversations to. Yes those friends. You think you are close because of the one too many deep conversations together but never assume the esteem you have to this person is reciprocated 100%. Do not pour your soul into just anyone.

Family; 

Some are blessed with family members who would sell their soul to see them succeed and happy. They would give their kidney to one another to see them peaceful. Some are hypocrites awaiting the downfall of their next to kin. Some are petty and ugly from the inside. Some will play with each other’s feelings to gain sympathy. Not everyone can claim his family to be his backbone.

Looks; 

Yes we are not getting younger. We are aging. I know most of you will not like the terms I am using but this is the reality. Your metabolism at 35 is not the same as when you were 25. Physically if you do not maintain yourself, you are going to put on extra pounds especially around the waist, the hip and the tricep/back area. Do not, and I repeat, do not find excuses of your weight gain from going to gym regularly (muscle mass gain). Have the full body mass exam at a dietician and you will be in for some surprise. A nip & tuck here and there is ok as long as you don’t go overboard (and look like someone else completely!).

Health; 

Your health is very important. Do a full checkup once a year to be on the safe side. I know we tend to always put the doctor’s appointment at the back of our minds, especially dentists, but it is very important we set the date for that yearly check up. I postponed my dentist appointment the last 3 years that at 2016’s checkup I had so much to do, costing me an arm and a leg. Destress and go get that full body massage you have been craving since forever. We all deserve to splurge once in a while.

Time; 

Are you with me? Yes we tend to take it for granted so much that we tend to postpone projects, phone calls, meetings and most importantly saying how much we love one other. We might be robbed by time when we least expect it. Never postpone, seize the day and amidst the turmoil and the obstacles, go for it, do it.

 

“Hamdellah” the year ended on a good note. I learnt from my mistakes and though disappointed by my expectations from others, I am grateful to know what awaits me from the external world, from friends and strangers alike. Life is a bitch for petty people. Karma is never on their side. Time is running fast, 2017 just started. Let’s not waste any more time. 2017 you are my year for everything. I will never take anything for granted anymore, especially not human beings. oh yeah I am considering adopting a dog …in 2017. 

 

 

 

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New Year resolutions? Yes & No and how it all changed for me!!

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With less than a week to go till the New Year, many of us have different kinds of expectations of 2017. Some of us can’t wait to put behind 2016 and move on whereas others are a bit nonchalant and quite frankly dismissive of this whole end of the year fiesta. This is where resolutions come in (with a bang). It is not until a couple of weeks back that I took a look at the passing year and realized that I, Patyl- Astrid, have completed unconsciously many of the New year resolutions of 2014-2015 and 2016 combined in one single year. How did I do that? Did I mean to cross off those jotted points from my diary? (yeah I am one of those- with the diary I mean) What did I feel when I came upon this discovery? To be honest, I was dumb struck! Why? Because as I mentioned it earlier, I did not plan it, nor realized any of it until I was done.

 

Resolutions. Resolutions.

 

If we look closely at each other’s resolutions, we notice that we have more in common than meets the eye. The first thing we all jot down is cutting down on vices and embracing the opposite. Mine, as well as your resolution for the past so many forgotten years has been to start a healthy lifestyle by going to the gym and cutting down on alcohol and junk food. Am I not right? Well to be realistic such drastic change cannot and never has begun over night. It takes patience, a lot of it, and most importantly acceptance that this is what we are going to dedicate to become within the upcoming year. And how many of us failed at it within a couple of months of the New year? The reason? We are so determined to jump on the gym bandwagon for the sole purpose that we started to get nauseated by the end of the year back to back parties and dinners. We think solely on the spot by letting our momentary feeling take the best of our decision- making. Once we heal (for some by the end of January) we get back to our drinking /night out splurges.

A shout out to the single ladies out there as well as those spoken for, don’t we all just want to be in that secure ‘the one’ kind of relationship and tie the knot? Come on, I know that you dream of your wedding day and those who are tying the knot during the holidays are not helping with their Instagram postings. One of the resolutions I have witnessed many to vow by in the next year is falling in love with ‘the one’ and settling down. Seriously? I did not know that there was a timeline set for such thing. Now if you are already with ‘the one’ then maybe you are stating on taking the next step and getting engaged. Now, even that you can’t just pinpoint it on paper. It is something that both parties have already agreed on prior (whether you are going to wait a couple of years before getting married) or happens on a sudden whim from the boyfriend/the one, one night at dinner or after implementing an orchestrated adventure for two. Both cases, ladies you are not in charge of the emotional side of things. Your heart controls you. Single ladies you can’t force yourselves to fall in love and girlfriends you can’t impose your other half to take the next step if he is not ready yet. Hence, do enter the new year on good foot. Embrace your future day by day. Do not jump big leaps and fall into oblivion. Those single hearts out there are going to be full of love when the time, I mean, the right person comes along.

 

Resolutions. Resolutions.

 

I am not trying to turn you against your New Year resolutions. I know too well how exciting it is to imagine oneself in the near future as a near perfected woman. The New Year brings out an emotional roller coaster within us. A strength, a determination that, we only witness in the month of December. You know what I am talking about, right?

I want to tell you ladies that writing down open- ended generalities as New Year resolutions will only bring you down when they are not fulfilled. Why don’t you jot down your resolutions into a step by step goals? Why not embrace the fact that much of your goals are set to become part of your lifestyle than just a box to tick off once you have accomplished it.

By summer 2016, I stopped smoking. An accomplishment by itself because it was one of the many vices that I did not intend to quit, even though I repeatedly written it as a New Year resolution. I don’t even think about it nor crave it till present day. How did I do it? Well I unconsciously started smoking less. A pack a day turned into ten cigarettes a day and so on so forth.

Moreover, being in a relationship with my boyfriend of more than a year, I know we are meant to be together (forever) by tying the knot someday soon yet not having a date in mind does not make me want to go write down 3/3/2017, right? I want to remind you that I have been single for many years prior just like yourself (and at times with the wrong type of men), and I did intend on finding my one the upcoming year. However what I realized when I met my boyfriend was that I can’t put a ticking time bomb on my heart. He came un-expectantly into my life (way after I had given up on that aspect of my life) and I do not intend on losing him because of some time set goal.

My career is up till this day in shambles and I am not worried about it. I am carrying on with my artistic projects and I am not setting unimaginable goals. My goal for my art is near attainable than my grandiose dream ever was (for now of course, remember being passionate should not set you limits).

I took control of my life summer 2016 and from than onwards everything seems to fall into place. When you are at peace with yourself and from within, you can set your mind to do almost anything. Everything is possible from then onwards. Hence my accomplishments step by step. I know you will all reach that point one day, hopefully sooner than you think. Just don’t go writing down general predictions on your to-do-list only to be disappointed flash forward six months within 2017.

Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you!

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“The more chances you give someone the less respect they’ll start to have for you. They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set because they’ll know another chance will always be given. They’re not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won’t walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you”.  

I stumbled on this quote the other day on my friend’s IG profile. I liked it and here we are several days later the content still on my mind, pondering and decided hence to share with you all some of my thoughts on the subject matter. But first;

In this new age of virtual insanity, it has become very difficult for single ladies out there to compete with one another and meet gentlemen. The easiness of the swipe and like button, DM’s and private Facebook messages has further let some of your guards down and make you behave in ways acceptable by mainstream media. On a moral standard, I deem such action unacceptable to you, a single lady, first and foremost.

Social media has shaped people to act on a whim because as I mentioned it earlier, a silent agreement has hatched way to people think it is ok to sext with a random stranger while in a relationship with another, message a late night booty call and get away with it while no party pays attention to the nonexistent next day follow up / call. There are many other examples but I do not need to pinpoint them all, right?

Now I know you are going to ask me, what is the point of all that I mentioned above, to do with the quote at the beginning of my blog post. Take what I am saying as a prerequisite, as what made way for men to be comfortable at disrespecting us. Social media (and everything virtual) is behind the malfunctioning experiences we have with the opposite sex and how we portray ourselves to our love conquests. I repeat: Relationships are being based on how we portray ourselves vis- a- vis social media. If we are okay with casual hook ups and guys not asking about us the next day then we are doing great with the ongoing trend. We are unconsciously not respecting ourselves, hence, we are paving way for men in getting comfortable disrespecting us every way possible. Social standard has stooped to its lowest and to be honest I don’t know till when we are going to let self respect partake in this affair.

For those sucker for a meaningful relationship, a fairy tale love (yes it does exist!!) stop accepting less in order to maintain a half ass (boy) man. If he doesn’t show interest in you on the first date and ask for a second one, just delete his number from your phone. It’s either there or not (the mutual attraction). Do not accept being the after-a-month second date. Trust me, if he likes you he wouldn’t have waited that long to see you again. If you feel that the person you are out having drinks with is only interested in casual sex and not bending towards #TeamRelationship, shorten your outing. You don’t need to waste your time, nor I believe you are looking to make new friends (remember we are all here for #TeamSayNoToHookUps). To those fixated on a crush whom you dated a couple of times but never got being exclusive, just stop making excuses for his lack of specificities and move on already. I bet 100$ he is waiting to have you in bed and hop to the next one. And last but not least, if you did give in to him not once but twice and thrice, still not being exclusive, then you can kick “respect” and “relationship” out of the window bye. You are now labeled as fuck-buddies. Ha! A label indeed. A slap in the face would be, for him to become exclusive with another woman. Girl you were just the “femme de passage” till he found the one with higher standards and self respect.

The way men treat you is based on the way you see yourself and treat yourself. Whatever image you are portraying to the outside world is how men will scrutinize you, enquire about you and then based on all the above approach you. You need to be headstrong in this dog eat dog world and set yourself on a pedestal. Forgiving once on one hand is ok however succumbing to social pressure and kissing your self- respect goodbye, will never get you the crown and the King you have long been awaiting for.

Are you worthy of a crown or becoming one of the pack follower?

That is for you and only you to decide.

X.O

ps: and don’t forget, it only takes one slip to make the cards all go tumbling down ….

(The image I used was randomly chosen off the internet – I don’t know who the artist is).

Newly Mommies & their Daughters.

I was told by my sister that I have a tendency to be conservative, whether it’s my take on social issues, relationships and family values. In two words; i’m old- fashioned. Well to be honest, in this world full of extreme liberal viewpoints, I am proud to be known as one (although it annoys my sister very much).

I have decided to approach a subject that has been on my mind a lot recently. A subject that has caught my attention thanks to the increase of newly mothers out there. Mothers that I am sure unconditionally love their toddlers. Yet mothers that have put their child out there on social media a bit extremely. I am not a mother YET, but one thing I know is that I would never share pictures of my children to the world to see. It is one thing to upload a family photo every once and while especially if you care to share your bliss with your closest friends and family (abroad). And it is another thing to dress up your child with the latest fashion and initiate a “strike the pose” memorabilia for your friends to see (assuming that your FB & IG enclose friends and acquaintances alike).

You are proud of your children. I know you are. You want to show the world your princess. I somehow understand that too. However I do not understand the following >>>

1- Girls under ten wearing lipstick and blush.

2- Again, girls under ten wearing crop tops and very short dresses, skirts and shorts.

3- Pre- teens already having a spa day with their mommies; proudly having their manicure done and the ‘event’ snapped and posted on social media.

4- It might be cute to buy a special dress (to your teenager) on her birthday, but when the outfit turns into an exaggerated gown with the whole tutu/glittery/combination of short-long dress, then you might want to  re-consider the image you are sending of your angel to your social sphere.

5- Teaching a 6 year old to pout and make a duck face instead of smiling genuinely to the camera is not an achievement.

Children are innocent human beings that were brought into this world by two people in love. Up until their eighteen birthdays, your baby girl is supposed to be under your protection and your guidance. She is supposed to be watched over by family and not looked upon by whomever is following you on IG or within your circle of friends on FB. The most crucial years are their childhood and teenage years. They have their whole lives to become grown ups. Let them be instead of teaching them on becoming a miss at 7, 8 or 9 years old. Our mothers were strict bringing us up. Every age had its own beauty. And each stage, we were to experience it at its own pace and time. Needless to say, social media is no longer a private matter whether your page is open to the public or not. An important aspect to take into consideration is the presence of predators and sick people out there. They are not confined to the far away western world only. They are very much present in the Middle East as well. Be private. Not a social media hippie.

God Bless your children!

xo