To My Exes…

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DisclaimerWith all due respect to my ex- boyfriends, the feelings that I share in the following post are regretfully true. 

Last week, I realized something very important. I, Patyl, have never ever truly felt Love. The love that I am talking about is the love shared between a couple, not the one that you feel toward your parent or your pet.

First of all, what is love? Love is a feeling that you share towards a person regardless if it is returned or not. You feel compassion, infatuation and a desire to become intimate with the subject of your love. If we define love this way than we all have felt this feeling more than one time in our life. After many failing relationships, I came to notice that love is not only about the above mentioned feeling. Love is greater and more complex. Love has many definitions and it all depends on the person’s interpretation of it towards his partner. That is how I came to the conclusion that I never experienced love before.

Many married couple have told me that love fades away after a few years of marriage. I did not want to believe this statement because for me it is unquestionable that the man that I am going to marry will eventually stop loving me one day or I for him. I still believe this statement to be absurd. Love does not diminish nor disappear with time. You (and you partner) make love work and you make the love sparkle. Marriage is hard work I get that, but marriage is what most of us women have dreamt of since childhood. Each and every one of us dreamt and believed in our prince and we found him and married him. However not every one of us have been blessed with common sense and brains to live within the boundaries of a successful happy marriage. Yes I am not married yet but I see how married couple tackle their daily routine.

I came to the following conclusion :

Those who are disappointed by their marriage are the ones who did not think it through seriously. They either rushed into it based on love only or believed that it is the same thing as being boyfriend/ girlfriend but with an official signed paper and living under one roof. Those are the ones that once married do not believe in making an effort towards maintaining the happiness of their partner. Those are the ones that have lingering eyes towards the opposite sex and envy towards their single friends. And most importantly, those are the ones that will start having extra marital affairs hidden from their spouse.

On the other hand, there are married couples who are still happy together and much in love after a 5+ years of married life. I can see through their social media account, through their posts and pictures that the love has not died away even with the presence of their kids. The secret behind this kind of marriage? Well if you ask me its the mutual respect and trust that is shared between the spouses. First of all, both have shared a couple of years in a relationship before tying the knot. And both dived heads on in this sacred institution fully aware of the ups and downs, vowing to one another that their story will mostly be composed of ups. I respect these people the most and place them as my role model when embarking in life as a married woman.

When I said at the beginning that I have never really loved any of the men I met in my life I based it on the fact that I would have never been able to pull off a married life with any one of them. Hence proving to myself that I never truly loved. To love someone truly, deeply, madly is to first of all compromise, respect and trust blindly and fully one another. Yes I am guilty I never felt that towards any one of you (even to the couple of ones I blurted love yous in the past). To add salt over injury, I don’t think that any of you would have even made me a happy woman on the long run.

Love is not complex. It is a state of mind. I love Love. But I have never Loved You!!!

xo

 

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Author: Patyl-Astrid

"Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the common place, the slaves of the ordinary." Cecile Beaton

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