A loss is a tragedy that can befall on anyone, anywhere and at anytime. The loss of a dear family member as well as that of a close friend is a fact that we are all going to go through at some point in our lives. This tragic episode of one’s life will never be understood by your friend, especially after months of mourning.
I lost my father a few months back and although they tell you time heals everything, I can rest assure you that it does not. Unfortunately, one can not wish this tragedy upon the other for some empathy. Only you will sympathize with yourself. Unconsciously along the mourning process, you will be faced with life changing questions. Without even realizing what is happening, you will wake up one day after a few months a new you.
Here are few of the irrevocable changes that a person in mourning goes through unconsciously;
– You wake up one day with all feelings drained out of your body. You become numb. You can not differentiate between love, loss, happiness and sadness. You do not know what to feel and you lack reaction to situations, conversations and people. Days pass with ups and downs. You don’t lose hope. You hope one day to regain your senses back.
– You do not tolerate being around other human beings. Sometimes seeing a friend is an ordeal while other days it is what you have mostly been awaiting for. Some friends will never hear from you again while others will be happy with your increased presence in their life. Reasons for maintaining old friendships and developing new ones will be based on a different and new out look on life (no harm nor offense to be taken).
– You might have become the numb version of yourself yet you can be fascinated by the ability of seeing things and people through. Your whole system has not shut itself down. You still have control of your defensive senses. No one can take advantage of you. Let them try and all hell will be unleashed.
– You lose some of that joy of life we all have within and take for granted. You might still go out for a drink or two with a restrictive party of two or three close friends but you can not tolerate the big party spaces with abundant alcohol and ear damaging music.
– You invest your time in pursuing and developing new/ old passions. No one will understand your sudden interest in solo times off. They do not need to. You will work hard in silence and let someday success make the noise. Suddenly, ‘Me, Myself and I’ make complete sense.
– You lose any sense of security. Hence for a person who never stayed at home, you find yourself more indoors than outdoors.
Your life has changed 180 degrees and will never return back to the way it used to be. The tools that were there to make you function everyday will suddenly break down and the arrival of the tool man will take forever. Rare are the ones who will be patient and tolerant of your mood swings and apathy. You will sleep everyday praying that this period ends the next day. You will wake up everyday and realize that you still are not there and might have a long way ahead.
Life is a mystery one should hang on to. One day all be back to normal. Yet not quite so.